Balancing life with work.

Hmm such a tricky subject for me, I'm a hermit for real.

Not by choice naturally, but years and years of anxiety tend to have that effect on you, its not that I don't want to experience life, I'm scared to experience life.

Now, I still haven't made it over my anxiety hurdle completely as you know if you read my blog frequently. I suffer in a big way with social anxiety, if you are not very well acquainted with me and haven't been to this section of the internet before I have linked the relevant post here. I always feel like everyone apart from me has something going for them and something interesting to say for themselves. I have become a fly on the wall and a shadow of my former self and I know I am only 22 but I am very very different to who I was back in my real I still have 'teen' in my age years. I know people grow up and change, but all of the great things about me have been taken by my anxiety. I have improved vastly, granted, but it still lingers in the back of my mind when I am out with people I love and want to be the best version of myself around and because of this I don't go out too often, I don't like bullsh*t bubbles being massively frequent and I don't want to be a debbie downer on everyone around me.

This is where the work/life struggle comes into play, now my life consists of waking up, glass of water, pee, shower, dress, bus to Croydon, greggs, sausage roll/steak bake and hot chocolate (if you wanted to know, occasionally a bottle of water if I have forgotten one or Lucozade if I am feeling like death), train, Greenwich, work, blog at work, train home, walk from station, stand outside my block for 30+ minutes chain smoking and chatting on the phone, upstairs, dinner, tidy, brush teeth, bed.

That is pretty much it, routine in my free time is the joy killer!

It has gotten to the stage where I need a day off after my day off if I actually do something on my day off. I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!!! I have nothing interesting to say when I do actually see people, I don't do anything really but work and clean my house, but everyone, every person I know has been stuck in this rut, you have just gotta get out of it.

Start putting yourself out there more, send that first text, get the plans made and live your life! Cliché as it is, you only get one life do not waste it on this trivial rubbish.

I always find I am happier when I work on early shifts but quite often I find myself on lates. My shift patterns vary between 8-4, 10-6, 10:15-6:15, 12-8, 12:15-8:15. So when I am on the earlier shifts, I am more likely to push myself to make plans after work or actually enjoy some quality time with my better half if I go home, when you do late shifts obviously its not as easy to make good use of that time, so what I do is go out when I know I have the next day off that way my time is unrestricted and I'm not thinking about work while I'm trying to have fun.

Push yourself to do something, even if you have no one to go out and do something with! Experience life and use your time wisely, in this society we live in with rent, bills and work you don't get much time to invest in yourself and I think that's why a lot of us are so unhappy, were unfulfilled and were living and working to make someone else's dream rather than building our own. That's not to say drop all of your responsibility and f*ck the world, its tempting I know, but you should be putting the same effort you do into dragging yourself into work every day into yourself in your own time.

And that is pretty much what I have learnt myself by struggling with this work/life balance, I'm still not all the way there but I am making the effort and I am seeing a change in my happiness levels when I am at work. It's always nice to have something to look forward to after a long week in the office so I will definitely be keeping this up and making more of an effort to keep routine in my work life, but not in my personal life.