When things get tough, get realistic.

The Phoenix has emerged from her ashes.

I am back and I'm no longer trapped in my bullsh*t bubble! (I told you I would be fine.) Time heals all wounds and all that jazz.

Anyway in today's post I wanted to extend on our previous conversation, the reason being is I was clearly being a negative nelly and I feel like some of my post may have contradicted things I have said in the past, now I'm not going to take anything back, but I am going to explain. I like explaining, ask my better half, he cant stand it!

As per I wanted to be real with you all, I believe as much as anyone that positive thinking is the way forward on any situation, but sometimes, just sometimes, it's not so easy to find that motivation and sometimes you just don't want to, we all have to have a mooch occasionally, life is not perfect and you should not over pressure yourself all the time to be happy.

As I said in my last post, embracing all of your emotions is healthy. You cannot possibly be positive 24/7 and although its quite easy it is still quite impossible to be negative 24/7. Striking a balance is the best thing but it is very very difficult to obtain that balance and I firmly believe acceptance is the way to achieve the balance, accepting the good and accepting the bad as it comes.

A few pointers below to help when such a situation arises;

Remember to be grateful for everything you have been blessed with, but also remember you're not a bad person for occasionally wanting to focus on your troubles.

Remember in order to progress in your projects and life plans you need to maintain a positive mental attitude, but you are entitled to a day or few off if you're not feeling it and things are bringing you down.

Remember that you are a human being, we come with highs and lows, the situation we are in comes with complications, we weren't built for this environment, we are learning how to deal with it every single day and we are advancing gradually just not always gracefully.

Above everything, remember to keep on going, do not hold yourself back! All of this is temporary, stay true to yourself, you know yourself more than anyone and you know in your heart of hearts what you need to do in order to continue progressing, so don't stand in your own way.

I love you all dearly and appreciate you for reading my thoughts and as I've said on many occasions, I can only hope my struggle relates to yours and that my learning process gives you the answers you need. If you are one step ahead of me, let me know, we need to work together to keep each other enlightened and not withhold information that could help someone else. 

Start small, think of some things you're grateful for and I will see you in my next post!

Bullsh*t bubbles & Britney Spears...

I feel like I am on the verge of a meltdown at the moment, Britney Spears style, so I am relatively worried about myself as I quite enjoy having hair. Jokes aside, I am not good right now. I will most certainly lie if I am asked and say I'm fine but, I am definitely lying and for the people out there who know me and are reading this I want you to know that.

Confusingly enough, I don't want you to pry, I would appreciate if you just gracefully pretend as I am at the moment that I'm fine, I am aware this is a passing cloud of negativity and I would rather not get any more intertwined with it than I already am.

Sometimes this is just a part of life, albeit a little more frequent in occurrence than I would like it to be at the moment, but I am coping, well... maybe not coping but, I get it and I know no matter what effort I put in I wont shake this feeling. I know I need to have a more positive mindset, but I think even though I want to I cannot muster the energy to turn my head around. 

And so I will be drifting through life surrounded by this little bubble of bullsh*t until my body finds the energy to change how my head is thinking and you know what? Sometimes this is okay, it is okay not to be okay people! Look at Britney now, she's great! (I actually do not know if that is accurate, but it's working for me!) 

Accepting and understanding all emotions, good and bad is important, its healthy, it's you being honest with yourself, I like to keep it real with everyone so there is no way you will catch me lying to myself! 

On that note, I'm off to wallow in my little bullsh*t bubble at work, I'll see you in a few days when I am ready to emerge from this negativity like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, dramatic, yes, I am... 

I'll see you in my next post guys and please, always remember to be true to yourself and your needs.

What if you can't/don't want to be the bigger person?

I know most of my posts speak on personal progression and essentially being the Kings & Queens of kindness, love and peace but sometimes this just isn't possible and sometimes you straight up just don't want to make peace with certain people, we are all entitled to choose whom we keep and maintain our friendships with.

Strong start I know...

Now, the reason this is on my mind is that I caught up with some old friends recently and one acquaintance, boy do I sound petty, but yes one acquaintance, an acquaintance that used to be a friend that I have no real interest in maintaining any type of relationship with. This got me thinking about the subject and what to do in such situations where you are face to face with someone you don't want in the equation.

Now to you it may sound petty and like a pointless article, but I think it's something people get stuck with a lot and I always like to be a helping hand. Let me put you in my mind, I'm heading out, I know this person may turn up and I don't want to talk to this person ever again, the less time they have in my life the better frankly. How do I address this? Do I want parting words? How do I keep my cool, when I'm so p*ssed at them? This person put me in a really negative head space at a low point in my life when we were supposed to be cool.

After much deliberation, I came to a conclusion, in these situations I see no point in being hurtful or rude to said person, why hurt someone's feelings when you know how it feels? and if you want a different way of looking at it, or in other words, my way, why spend time breeding negativity with someone you don't want around you? Honesty, as always, is the best policy... Sure, sometimes it's a bit blunt, but it cuts the nonsense and doesn't allow time for any wounds to reopen. Keep it real guys, lay it out if you need to. When they approach you, politely explain your stance on the relationship and excuse yourself, it may seem rude at first glance but I actually think it is the cleanest and politest way to deal with the situation. It also prevents a massive explosion of emotions later down the line when you actually end up in a argument with this person because you're still associated with them and haven't resolved anything because you don't want to and you don't like them!

We're grown adults, I would rather someone kept it real with me instead of stringing me along for no reason, the chances are I probably wouldn't be particularly phased and neither would said acquaintance as I mentioned, we barely talk anyway, but I do feel it is necessary to lay that boundary down ASAP to prevent any awkward tension arising in the future.

This isn't something I would usually post about but as I said it was just a passing matter on my mind that I'm sure lots of people have trouble with, I hope it helps, if you have any varying solutions to this situation let me know as I know my intentions are not always understood and are often misinterpreted.

That's all I have to say on the matter, see you in my next post!

The realist (rant).

This last few weeks have presented immense amounts of drama and misfortune from all ends of my friendship group, it has been like an episode of Hollyoaks, it's just a little too much for my clutter free brain to comprehend and frankly it has been really getting on my nerves.

I'm a very straightforward person and without sounding like a b*tch, I don't believe there is any point in crying over spilled milk, might as well mop it up and get on with your day. That is not to say I'm not empathetic to your situation or that I wouldn't extend my hand to help you but I don't have the time to chase you around trying to get you to let me help you if you're not interested in moving forward and again, without sounding like a b*tch I would rather help you get over something than hold you back by letting you relive the same situation constantly, I am a shoulder to cry on when you need to have that moment but I wont converse about the situation repeatedly with no resolution in sight.

I always get told off for this harshness by family and occasionally friends but I think, without sounding cocky of course, that I am one of the best friends you could have, I refuse to waste time (mine or a friends) on bs, I'm honest, I'm always there any time day or night and if you set a goal for yourself I will put the time in to help you reach it.

The problem is, people don't seem to want friends like this, they want a friend to stroke their ego, sit and regurgitate nonsense for hours, essentially, not me. Personally I can't imagine anything worse than having a friend that doesn't challenge everything and is obedient to you, that is not how friendships should operate in my opinion, I'm sure it works for a certain type of person, but that person certainly is not me. 

I will continue to be me, but I may have to make some changes or put some distance between myself and certain people because I 'can't even' with these situations all the time, in the most upfront, non cocky and genuine way, I just do not have the time or brain capacity for this drama.

I'm sure I will have to revisit this space again but for now, please drop me out.

#rantover

#byefelicia

Sometimes you have to bite the bullet.

I want to start by giving you a little background on the situation at hand and why exactly I am writing on such a matter...

To put it simply, I am forgetful, I have a sharp tongue, I'm direct and more often than not I come across a little crazy. Sometimes when I get swept up in this side of my feelings I go batsh*t crazy instead of listening and taking on board what someone is saying to me which obviously doesn't help me progress in the situation I'm in and to be honest with you, it hinders my progression in life as well.

It took a few conversations to get to the head space I'm in now but a conversation with a particularly good friend who I hadn't spoken to in a while to put this all in to perspective for me.

This argument was with somebody I love, somebody I cherish and somebody I don't want to spend my life without and before I can even think about asking somebody else to reflect on their faults and change, I need to practice what I am preaching and reflect on my faults and look at where I can make change.

#epiphany

#thankslittlemy2

#shewillgetityouwont

And so it began, reflection time and before I continue, this is not a blog to sh*t on all of the other fantastic advice I got from some of my nearest and dearest #freedah #tribzy #mysurrogatesistaa #againtheywillgetityouwont, but these babies may be a little more biased to my struggle, so while their advice was equally fantastic and it made me take a long hard look at what I want direction I want my situation to go in, it didn't necessarily make me take a long hard look at myself and what I needed to do.

So as I was saying, the reflection process started and for the first time ever, I was silent, even in my mind. Silence is an amazing thing, you can get a lot of thinking done with it!  

#noshitsherlock

In my silence I began trying not to be so forgetful...

I started making notes of things I have done that have been wrong that I like to push to the back of my head and forget about, the list grew and grew and grew until I realized I am not as kind as I thought I was.

In my silence I began trying not to be hurtfully direct...

I started making notes of what I could change, I'm not someone to beat around the bush so I realized how much nicer and more cooperative that somebody might be if I changed how I said things rather than what I said.

In my silence I became more aware...

I learnt a lot about myself that I hadn't thought of before so #littlemy2 I will be eternally grateful to you for reminding me to do this more often.

She and my surrogate sistaa also reminded me above all sometimes you have to accept the situation and bite the bullet, the outcome may not always be what you want but sometimes take an action for the greater good. Sometimes the feeling is there but that's not always enough.

I reached out to this somebody, apologizing for my role in this argument and ACTUALLY accepting whatever decision would come of this whether it was the outcome I was hoping for or not. This eventually lead to a conversation which gave me another opportunity to listen, remember and not be so direct, it gave me the opportunity use the new outlook I had. 

I listened intently for over an hour, I did not get defensive, I practiced my silence, with my silence I began to learn and understand the impact of my actions, which reminded me how much this somebody means to me and made me realize that I am not as innocent as I thought I was in this situation.

By biting the bullet I was able to have that conversation that needed to be had and hear what that somebody had been saying this whole time and honestly I started to understand it wasn't them, it was me.

Things are still progressing one step at a time, I'm not going to be able to make all the changes I need to overnight and neither is this somebody, but that specific advice really helped me to take those first steps that I need to take on this journey of resolution... fingers crossed this will now blossom into something way more beautiful than it already was.

As always, I will keep you posted...

Getting out of the red: Part one.

I am someone who always keeps it real with everything I do and I feel like as someone who blogs, I have so much opportunity to paint my life however I want to, it would be so easy but to be honest I have never understood the appeal, I mean firstly I would be lying to you but secondly I would be lying to myself and who wants to do that!?

My problems and everyday challenges that I am facing bring me closer to all of the people like you who are kind enough to take time from their day to read my blog. Without sounding super cringe I am so inspired by the hope of me possibly helping others in the same struggles as me and offering the answer book for the things that took me a long time to grasp, so I will ALWAYS keep it real and speak openly about my life, I don't see the point of not being open.

Today I wanted to talk to you about money, I have always had quite a weird relationship with it. I came from a background that we didn't have much, but we did have love and without sounding cliché, love is just about the most valuable thing on this planet, it can build you in a much better way than money can and it can destroy you in a much bigger way than money ever could, it heals all wounds and really is the greatest feeling in the world.

Luckily for me because of all that love, I have never been one to get massively upset over money, I'm relatively indifferent to be honest with you, however in the last year and a bit as previously mentioned on my blog my financial situation has taken a turn for the worst, usually this wouldn't phase me, not in a cocky way, but money is a man made product, its not impossible to get it back if you lose it.

Recently I have been feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and no end to my current financial situation and unfortunately I can't just get someone to bail me out, nor would I want to, this is a lesson I need to learn myself, I think. I'm definitely joking, this will build my charecter and make for a Liza who can do anything.

Now before people get judgy, not a word but it should be, I did not go and blow money on a bunch of shit and cry because I now have a debt to think of. Not that we should judge even if that is the case for someone, we don't know their lives enough to understand why. I am however, very responsible with money, but I don't believe in depriving yourself of something that will make you happy, of course within reason. 

My situation came about because of a change in circumstance at home, I wasn't earning enough to keep my house running at that time so had no choice but to look to my credit card to make ends meet, keep bills paid and food in the fridge. Luckily I had a good amount of support as a safety net if shit really hit the fan, but I am still digging my way out of this hole alone, I am doing this by choice by the way. 

I started to get really upset with it and decided I needed to get out of this situation altogether, I'm tired of it, I want some peace of mind and sleep! So I sat up for about 5-6 hours and calculated how I could get out of this situation once and for all. First thing I need to make clear, is that I am not going to cancel my credit card, there are a number of reasons behind this, but I will make sure I don't fall into the same trap by leaving my card with a relative I can trust, who will ensure if I do make any purchases on it (holidays ect) I pay the amount spent off in full on the same day from my current account, I prefer to use my credit card for security reasons.

The first option I looked at was believe it or not, another loan, this way I could pay off everything I owe at once and have one figure to pay back for a year at a fixed amount rather than paying a bit off of my debt here and there for the next however long. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish I went with this option, it seems like it would have been easier, but I have thought about it for a long time and I feel like there is more room to go wrong here, if I cleared all of my credit card and some unexpected bill came or my circumstances changed again and I had no money I would have no choice but to use that and be back at square one with more debt than I started with. 

The second option was to just suck it up and write out a budget plan, it took me 3 hours to do, I was so wired by the end of it, do not do this late at night the maths just wakes you up! I worked out the total amount of debt I had, just over £1,000, I'm lucky in that sense I know, but it is still incredibly stressful to have in the back of your mind all the time. I then started putting the date for each payday on paper, fortunately I get paid weekly at the moment. Once those two steps were done the rest was just maths, working with my average weekly wage I calculated week by week what bills I had to sort out and expenses I had, this list started in March and finished in July. I knew this was going to be really difficult for me, I am responsible with money but I find following a tight knit plan difficult especially as things don't always go to plan elsewhere. I took comfort in knowing at least if worst comes to it with this option I still have the first option as a back up plan, where as doing this the other way round and losing would be so so much worse and lead to a lot more sleepless nights!

So I guess the next thing to address would be how this budget plan is going for me... 

Well I cant say that it is something I have been able to stick to religiously, but I am glad that I didn't go with the first option right off the bat because as predicted some unexpected expenses have come up due to my tenancy being renewed and some annual bills I forgot about coming in, but I still haven't opted for the first option as a way to resolve this so I am not completely at rock bottom just yet, I'm sort of somewhere in the middle of coping and rock bottom. I'm still not sleeping easy but I am determined to get through this so I am going to keep pushing. I feel like next month will be a lot easier to be honest but I might be just be bluffing. I do keep praying that somehow it will just magically disappear but I have to be realistic and I have to prove myself to myself! 

To make sure I am not just bluffing, I will be reviewing the plan over the next week or so and continuing as intended this month but reevaluating how I will continue my plan in May and of course making sure I do follow it religiously but not making it as tight knit as it was as that allows no room for mistakes. 

That's enough for today on this chapter of my life, but I will continue to keep everyone updated at every available opportunity and I hope some of my mistakes and reflections have been helpful to you guys if you're in a similar situation.

Basic B*tch things that my heart cries for...

I forewarn you I am not entirely sure why I am writing this article, it's not my usual thing but I feel like writing something a bit more light hearted, I hope you enjoy it!

I think by now we have all stumbled across the term "basic b*tch" and as much as I hate to admit it I do fall into this category on ONE occasion only...

...my handbag taste...

Oh how I love my basic b*tch handbags, these girls are on point with their make up and style, a little too perfect for me, I'm a bit more boyish (lazy) in my style, but I am the biggest and most fierce girly girl when it comes to my love for handbags.

Annnnnd, maybe also UGG boots (they're just so damn comfortable) and Starbucks, but I draw the line after that I swear!

Today I wanted to share with you my top 8 desired basic b*tch handbags and an advance warning... 

I do have an unnatural obsession with Louis Vuitton, who doesn't?

 
1. Louis Vuitton Neverfull MM in Rose Ballerine.

This bag, this bag, oh my goodness this bag. The colour of the interior is so beautiful, not in this picture but in real life, seriously gorgeous. This however is not a bag that I have on my to buy list and only because I'm quite small and I feel this bag may be a bit too big for me, if they did this colour-way on the PM size, giiirl, trust me I would be snapping it up and quickly! 


 2. Louis Vuitton Speedy 30.

Now this is a bag I am seriously considering purchasing, it is the basic of all basics out there but it is a true classic. The design that all who are obsessed with handbags and Louis Vuitton covet, it is simply an essential in any Louis Vuitton collection.
 
 3. Louis Vuitton Speedy Bandouliere 30.

The less basic and more practical of the two Speedy's, this is the competition for the Speedy 30 for me for 2 reasons;

1. The strap, any avid Louis Vuitton window shopper will know, that the strap for a Louis Vuitton is of course relatively expensive so to get a neutral one essentially for free that you can use on your other LV purchases is perfect. Plus the regular speedy doesn't look particularly flattering with a strap because it's intended to be a top handle bag. (There is nothing more basic than attaching the straps to the links on the top handles, it makes me cringe so much! I remember this issue with Pauls Boutique bags, plus c'mon guys it ruins the shape!)

2. In my opinion this bag is just a little more elegant than the speedy, it looks waaaaay more finished and mature. This is the speedy superior.

4. GIVENCHY Antigona.

Oh the beauty, so understated, so demure, so luxurious. It's highly likely I will never be able to afford this bag and I don't do fakes full stop. This will never be my arm candy but will forever be my eye candy.

 

5. MICHAEL KORS Jet Set Travel medium saffiano leather tote.

I still want this bag, I have eyed it for years, and I think I'm going to buy it, I've been wishing for it for long enough, its just such a great bag! I love saffiano leather, I love how simple it is, I love that you can get it in such an array of colours and I love that it is an affordable high end product. 

6. MICHAEL KORS Selma large Saffiano leather satchel.

Another classic from Michael Kors, originally I preferred this to the jet set, I have had a change of heart as I have changed a lot in the time I have been wishing for this bag, but it is still a bag I would like to add to my collection at some point. It's perfect for work and it looks damn good too!

 

7. Longchamp Le Pliage Neo large shopper.

I own this bag and I will continue to repurchase from Longchamp for as long as I live, the bags are lightweight, fold-able, durable, waterproof, easy on the eye and surprisingly spacious, think Mary Poppins, I'm deadly serious. The only thing that bugs me is the zipper, I carry on my right shoulder which means the zipper pull is behind me unless I wear this piece backwards, considering I live in London I would feel a lot more comfortable with the zipper being at my front whilst still being able to show off my beautiful handbag. I have had this specific bag for 1 year and 4 months, I use it 70% of the time and it looks like its been used maybe 4-5 times, these bags are heavyweight champions of durability.

8. LONGCHAMP Le Pliage small shopper in black. 

Another bag I own and will repurchase. My mum actually gave me this bag and her friend gave it to her. This bag has survived 3 people and a fair few years of use, I have had this for about 4-5 years, I think my mum had it for a few years before I nagged her enough into giving it to me. It has held up well, the corners have gone and its a bit scuffed but it still looks decent considering how much it has been chucked around. It's been raving (clubbing), abroad, work, college its been thrown around, its even been used as an 'I'm running away!' bag. I still use this albeit less frequently than my other Longchamp but again, these bags are built to last.