Lets start with some pleasantries, happy new year everybody! I hope you had a fun, safe and memorable time celebrating and I hope you feel as confident and excited for 2017 as I do!
Today I'm here with a post on something I never thought I would be writing about, doing or even sticking to for that matter, in December 2016 I did a Facebook freeze, yes, me. I stopped using Facebook for 7 days, the world didn't stop, I didn't lose all the memes and I really surprised myself...
If you know me you will know I love social media, I think it's a great, great thing but I am more than aware there is a very dark side to it as well. A few weeks ago I had been speaking with my friend L as I was toying with the idea of coming off of Facebook although I never thought I could, or would actually do it, but anyway, I was speaking to L because as much as I LOVE the good side to social media, I was starting to be impacted by the negatives of social media on a day to day basis, my anxiety was through the roof (this was not entirely down to social media but I will say it wasn't in the least bit helpful, especially following mental health pages ectect, I just felt I was falling more into the trap of my anxiety and falling victim to it by allowing it to control me more than it ever has before), my anger levels were and still kind of are, really, really high, I have such limited patience and tolerance for stupidity, ignorant stupidity is what I really mean when I say stupidity, so having constant access to comment feeds where one will see lots of ignorant stupidity didn't help my general well being in that sense either and being the person I am, I always try and educate people where possible and it has taken me such a long time to realise the one and only place you cannot educate people, even with solid proven fact, is on a Facebook comment section. I started getting so depressed at not only the state of the world but also the lack of compassion and intelligent solutions for people in need, to say 2016 was a cruel year is an understatement, to bare witness to the absolute poison being pushed around by the media and by the general public on domains such as Facebook just made that statement 10 times worse.
If you think about it, we leave ourselves open to unsolicited opinions every, single, day but that's in real life where people aren't keyboard warriors, when we leave ourselves open to unsolicited opinions on social media were almost doubling our own dismay. Tailored news feeds,
comment section wars, continuous advertisement based on our search
history, its actually mental how little the majority of us know about social media itself, but what's even more mental is how much we know about others we follow on social media and how much
everyone else knows about us! Social media is an amazing tool but how we
use it isn't progressive, there are so many impressionable people on there and that is being taken advantage of by arsehole people, who use fear and hate to isolate groups of impressionable people from positive influences and we are all responsible to make an effort to make that positive change and to find a way to use social media to spread love and positive messages and show people that they do have a support network behind them whatever it is they're trying to achieve.
Facebook I find particularly archaic, there are A LOT of ignorant people on Facebook, there are a lot of racist people on Facebook, there are a lot of sexist people on Facebook, there are just a lot of people on Facebook who are so miserable in their own lives that they would shit on your day even though they don't know you just to try and bring you down to their level of unhappiness. I fall into the trap of coming to the rescue very, very easily so comment sections to me are like an addiction, I don't want to get involved, but I just cannot watch such ignorance and do nothing. This is the main reason I quit Facebook, that and the new internet privacy laws in the UK, thanks Theresa May, I hope my choice in clothes shops and porn is of interest or use to you in ensuring national security.
So one Wednesday, about 3-4 weeks ago now, I logged out of the Facebook app, deleted it and messenger off of my phone and vowed I wouldn't look at Facebook for 7 days. Not only did I actually stick to it (amazing, right), I really enjoyed it, my social media use on other platforms (Snapchat & Instagram) did go up but Instagram is one form of social media where the comment section is not the least bit tempting to me and Snapchat obviously doesn't have one! I didn't miss Facebook until the 6th day I was off of it and I don't even think I missed it, I just put my Christmas tree up and I was really proud of how cute it looked I just wanted to show it off (haha) annual habits and all that!
So the outcome of this 7 days away has been more monumental than I could have ever imagined and I am so, so happy, on the 7th day, I downloaded the app, I logged in, I checked my notifications, I only had 20 btw so believe me people wont be missing you that much, although I got a really sweet message from my friend G checking I was all good because she noticed I hadn't been posting, thanks G that really made me smile! I updated my status with information on how people can reach me, logged straight back out and deleted the app. I don't want it any more, I do still log in on Safari on my phone but since the whole 7 days without it I've only actually looked at it 3-4 times. I'm relieved that I feel free of this thing that in essence was a burden on me, constantly having news shoved in my face, opinions, rants, even positive influencers, its too much, I want quiet, I want peace, I want to find my own way, as Beyonce says, 'I'm known to walk alone but I'm alone for a reason', and although the next line in that verse is 'sending me a drink ain't appeasing, believe me' I like to take just the first half of that verse and remember this is my journey and my journey is my responsibility, I need to figure things out in a way that I comprehend, you absolutely can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink, I wanted to show you guys with this post that if you're looking to limit your social media use, it is possible, I used to be on Facebook every free second I had and now as I said, I don't miss it at all, it will still be useful for events, not forgetting peoples birthdays and getting my blogs out to an audience of people who are interested but I'm not sucked into it anymore and it feels amazing!
This is one change I have made that I absolutely want to maintain this year and the fact that I would never have imagined doing it makes me so excited about everything else I plan to achieve this year!
Happy 2017!
Friday, 6 January 2017
Saturday, 31 December 2016
Just another end of year blog post...
It's finally here, 31st December, 2016.
I feel like things are going to go one of two ways, either the entire world is going to explode at midnight because 2016 was just too much for everyone, or once midnight hits everything is magically going to get absolutely amazing.
I'd like to believe everything is about to get fucking amazing!
I don't usually like to make New Years resolutions, but I will say I do have some goals, if you will, for this year and I absolutely intend to stick to them, if you needed a bit of inspiration or you're actually interested in what I've got up my sleeve then please read, if not, skip to the next paragraph...
- Get my organized & disciplined self back (has anyone seen her, she's been missing for ages).
- Actually clear my credit card debt (yas people, I'm still in the process, don't get sucked into the BS).
- Save.
- Live more.
- Spend more time with everyone!
- Stop hating my job so much (haha).
- Try very hard, and I mean this is the hardest, to not swear as much as I do (this post is not included, I will be getting as many swears as possible in here).
I know and have personally felt the overwhelming amount of shittiness 2016 has offered all of us and unfortunately no, this is not a case of me being able to say the goodness outweighed the bad, I mean David Bowie passed away, how do you recover from that? You just don't that's the simple answer, rest in peace you absolute legend. However I have learnt one life skill this year and it has been stretched as far as it could be stretched so I know I can apply this to any situation now, 2016 has taught me the art of acceptance.
So for 2017 I want to be happy, I have my plan and any shit I have to accept in that process, well fine, fuck it I will, I don't wish to allow unsolicited crap to stand in the way of my goals this year, my happiness is too valuable to me, I know that sounds ignorant but if I am not happy, I am not helpful and if I am not helpful then what the fuck am I doing here? If there is one thing the human race needs, it's to be more helpful, I'm telling you we could fix so many problems if we found enough love for ourselves that we could start being helpful to others.
I have turned into a very hostile person this year (I think a lot of us do have our guards up), I have allowed others to drag me down to their level and although I am not better than anyone, I am better than the person I am right now and I really need to remember that for 2017. I don't want to be preachy, I wish to be inspiring, I don't want to be angry, I wish to be passionate, I don't want to be anxious, I wish to feel stable, I don't want to be back at square one, I wish to win the game all those negatives need to turn into positives so that I can. I know there will be challenges and I am ready for them, because, I and you and everyone else for that matter deserve better than this but I, you and everyone else are responsible for our own happiness and our own futures, if the world is against us we need to be our own cheerleaders and team-mates and make things happen regardless. I don't want to be held back by the world, I want to excel through my hardships!
So on that note...
Bring it on 2017, I am SO ready, bring me all your greatness, bring me all your love, bring me all your kindness, bring me all the goodness and I will be great, loving, kind and good, I will match every positive you give me and I will rise above every negative with grace and elegance (well as much elegance as one can have in a flannel shirt, jeans and trainers).
I hope you all have an amazing, safe (grandma Lizanne's popped in) New Years Eve and most importantly I hope you build the most amazing 2017 for yourselves, big, massive love, and for my favourite line of NYE, see you next year (haha)!
Saturday, 17 December 2016
Today...
Today I am feeling defeated but at the same time empowered, if that even makes any sense at all...
I feel defeated because I have given up on this year, it's been a bit shit, the next fortnight will probably also be a bit shit, lets be honest.
I feel defeated and deflated that I still work in customer service and this is all I have made of myself at this stage in my life.
I feel defeated that I cannot beat my anxiety, even after being so sure I was in control in my past posts.
I feel defeated that I let my anxiety stand in the way of my passion for writing and I let my, very few readers down with a lack of content.
I feel defeated that my bravado and water off a ducks back approach to peoples opinions has been chipped away at throughout the last few months.
It's been a tough year for me and most certainly a tough year for a lot of people who have definitely had it way worse than me, this year I wanted to discover myself and in doing so I found a lot of things I do not like, which in one aspect makes me feel empowered that I have identified some of the issue but it certainly brings me down too! How the human race functions at the moment in general makes me feel defeated, to name a few; Syria, Yemen, Gaza, the EU referendum & the racism that followed, Theresa May, Southern rail services, London rent, rest of the world rent, police officers in the US and to be honest pretty much everywhere in the world abusing their power, all the incredible people who have lost their lives this year, bloody DONALD TRUMP in the White House! Need I say any more? All of us normal, compassionate folks have been looking at at the world self destruct and like me a lot of us have probably lost our last little shred of hope for a peaceful, safe and progressive future.
However, I still feel empowered.
I feel empowered because I have identified my own issues.
I feel empowered because I know in my heart I am a good person, who would give everything I could to someone who needed it.
I feel empowered because I have a somewhat solid plan for 2017.
I feel empowered for being able to sort of find the words to write again today.
The bad certainly outweighs the good this year and at this current moment but I feel empowered because I know I am not alone in this feeling and I have faith we will all find the light in these dark times.
I feel defeated because I have given up on this year, it's been a bit shit, the next fortnight will probably also be a bit shit, lets be honest.
I feel defeated and deflated that I still work in customer service and this is all I have made of myself at this stage in my life.
I feel defeated that I cannot beat my anxiety, even after being so sure I was in control in my past posts.
I feel defeated that I let my anxiety stand in the way of my passion for writing and I let my, very few readers down with a lack of content.
I feel defeated that my bravado and water off a ducks back approach to peoples opinions has been chipped away at throughout the last few months.
It's been a tough year for me and most certainly a tough year for a lot of people who have definitely had it way worse than me, this year I wanted to discover myself and in doing so I found a lot of things I do not like, which in one aspect makes me feel empowered that I have identified some of the issue but it certainly brings me down too! How the human race functions at the moment in general makes me feel defeated, to name a few; Syria, Yemen, Gaza, the EU referendum & the racism that followed, Theresa May, Southern rail services, London rent, rest of the world rent, police officers in the US and to be honest pretty much everywhere in the world abusing their power, all the incredible people who have lost their lives this year, bloody DONALD TRUMP in the White House! Need I say any more? All of us normal, compassionate folks have been looking at at the world self destruct and like me a lot of us have probably lost our last little shred of hope for a peaceful, safe and progressive future.
However, I still feel empowered.
I feel empowered because I have identified my own issues.
I feel empowered because I know in my heart I am a good person, who would give everything I could to someone who needed it.
I feel empowered because I have a somewhat solid plan for 2017.
I feel empowered for being able to sort of find the words to write again today.
The bad certainly outweighs the good this year and at this current moment but I feel empowered because I know I am not alone in this feeling and I have faith we will all find the light in these dark times.
Monday, 17 October 2016
Update: I think Lizanne's gone craaazy. (Play on Eminem, if you get it you get it)
Firstly, I'd like to start strong, I am sorry for my absence, if you've been missing me. I've been dealing with some shit that's been pretty shitty (obviously Liza) and is ongoing so I cannot guarantee my presence as much as I want to at the moment, it's for my own sanity, I'm sure you can understand...
I had a bit of a meltdown, outside work, in front of many people about a month ago (yes, it was so embarrassing) I cannot for love nor money tell you what managed to get my head that tied up, but I'm willing to bet my anxiety played a lead role in it. I took a week off work (not long enough, but rent needs to be paid and I need my job) spoke to my GP, family and friends, I immersed myself in nature (cheesy as it sounds, that's just what I need right now) I spent time trying to find beauty in things again. Soooo cliché, but who doesn't love a cliché...?
Genuinely, I am starting to lose the will to do anything, I want what I want, I want to live in a quiet area, away from people (I prefer limited company) where I can work from home (preferably my own business, because I don't like people that much) I want to rest. The problem is, I have a goal but I have no willpower to make it happen, it's like all my faith in myself has gone and right now, I'm too tired to find it.
I cannot deal with the simple pressures of life, even a crowded train is too much for my brain to process right now, being able to work out a budget for myself is near impossible, I just see binary for a life that's frankly a bit crap that I cannot afford, I cant even drag my clean freak self out of bed to sort my house out, I can't talk to my friends because I don't want to burden them but also I don't think this has reached the point that I need to just yet, I can see very clearly my own head is fucking with me.
I cannot deal with the simple pressures of my job, I find it easy to be roped into tirades of negativity, I'm annoying myself and almost certainly others but I cannot stop and maybe that's me, maybe as I've said before I need to live through this bullshit bubble, but the other side of me is desperately searching for some hope.
Will I ever find my way to it?
Who knows, but that's where I'm at right now and I owe it to you as kind readers of my thoughts, to let you know. I've got a few things lined up so stay with me, I'm not a total lost cause yet!
I had a bit of a meltdown, outside work, in front of many people about a month ago (yes, it was so embarrassing) I cannot for love nor money tell you what managed to get my head that tied up, but I'm willing to bet my anxiety played a lead role in it. I took a week off work (not long enough, but rent needs to be paid and I need my job) spoke to my GP, family and friends, I immersed myself in nature (cheesy as it sounds, that's just what I need right now) I spent time trying to find beauty in things again. Soooo cliché, but who doesn't love a cliché...?
Genuinely, I am starting to lose the will to do anything, I want what I want, I want to live in a quiet area, away from people (I prefer limited company) where I can work from home (preferably my own business, because I don't like people that much) I want to rest. The problem is, I have a goal but I have no willpower to make it happen, it's like all my faith in myself has gone and right now, I'm too tired to find it.
I cannot deal with the simple pressures of life, even a crowded train is too much for my brain to process right now, being able to work out a budget for myself is near impossible, I just see binary for a life that's frankly a bit crap that I cannot afford, I cant even drag my clean freak self out of bed to sort my house out, I can't talk to my friends because I don't want to burden them but also I don't think this has reached the point that I need to just yet, I can see very clearly my own head is fucking with me.
I cannot deal with the simple pressures of my job, I find it easy to be roped into tirades of negativity, I'm annoying myself and almost certainly others but I cannot stop and maybe that's me, maybe as I've said before I need to live through this bullshit bubble, but the other side of me is desperately searching for some hope.
Will I ever find my way to it?
Who knows, but that's where I'm at right now and I owe it to you as kind readers of my thoughts, to let you know. I've got a few things lined up so stay with me, I'm not a total lost cause yet!
Sunday, 25 September 2016
Late Product Review: Liz Earle daily essentials kit (normal/combination)
http://www.boots.com/en/Liz-Earle-Daily-Essentials-Kit-for-Normal-Combination-Skin_1654099/
Today I have a nice little review for you guys, I have been so excited to review these products but I wanted to test them for at least a week to let you know how they are, first impressions are great but they're not always correct, except in the case of these products...
A couple of years ago I tried to delve into the world of Liz Earle skincare, I did not have the budget for it and I did not give much of a shit about my skin, being in my 20's now, these things matter a little bit more to me (hello anti ageing, yes, partying like a wild animal through my teens has not done me any favours) also now I have some dollar dollar bills to spend on the good stuff. Usually I try to avoid stuff like this I'm all about the natural route, coconut oil, hot water, cold water, vitamin e oil to moisturise. I noticed with this that my skin was looking dull, I wanted to try something not completely harsh and full of badness but something with a bit more BAM (if you catch my drift).
I went to Waterloo station the other day as you would have read in my diary and got talking to one of the Liz Earle reps in boots, she gave me a free tester and I thought I would give it a try, what's the worst that could happen? I might break out, oh no, story of my fucking life, I always have a spot somewhere on this gorgeous face. I might make my pores worse, I might get dry skin. Whatever, I'm walking on the wild side, I started thinking, God damn, what if this actually makes an enormous difference and it has.
Now I can't say for sure that anyone else might have noticed but I can assure you, I, have noticed. My breakouts are still happening but nowhere near as bad as they were and side note, I am on my period for literally the 3rd time in the last 4-6 weeks (fucking pill) so that is going to cause some problems. My pores have tightened and certainly aren't as noticeable, I'm not going to lie and say they're gone, that will never, ever happen, but this stuff really gets in there and cleans them out. The main thing though, my complexion, I'm fucking glowing, I'm glowing so much I could pass as a UV accessory and I dig it.
The kit was £45 but you get, Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser 100ml, Instant Boost Skin Tonic 200ml, Skin Repair for Normal/Combination skin 50ml, Gentle Face Exfoliator 50ml PLUS 2 muslin face cloths. Which in all honesty, is not actually that bad, I was quite pleased.
Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser, I still haven't even touched the one that I brought, I'm still working my way through the 30ml sample and I use it twice a day, if I'm wearing make up I use 2 applications and I've had the sample now for over a week and a half, so a little goes a long way. It smells amazing, it is especially great in the morning to wake yourself up because its got like a eucalyptus/minty smell, I don't know exactly, but it's nice. This is step one, you massage into face and neck in circular motions, heat up the cloth until it's hot to the touch, wring the cloth out and wipe the cleanser off your face using different sections of the cloth so you aren't cross contaminating, once all the cleanser has been rinsed off you splash your face with cold water, or do what I do and put freezing water on the cloth after rinsing it and press it over my face section by section to close my pores.
Instant Boost Skin Tonic, I like this, I needed a toner and I have never found one that doesn't make me feel like my skin is about to rip off of my face because of how tight it gets. This toner is really hydrating and doesn't leave that dry/tight feeling or sticky residue, this too smells lush. This is the second step, so you whack a fair amount to douse a cotton pad and sweep it over your face and neck, although I'm not much of a sweeper, more of a patter. I let it dry and move on to the next step which is...
Skin Repair for Normal/Combination skin, I'm not a fan of thin consistency moisturisers but I'm not letting my bias stand in my way of this trial run. Once I have let my toner air dry I dot this over my face and neck and massage it in. Quick anecdote, totally relates to this product by the way, I was on the bus the other day when I was heading out to my friends gig, which I mentioned in my diary last week, linked above, while I was sitting there I could just smell something, kind of wet doggish but not really, I assumed it was the guy behind me, he looked hot and the bus was baking, when I got off the bus I got over it and moved on and enjoyed myself at the gig. Annnnnywayy, when I got home and completed the routine in the evening, I smelt it again, it's the fucking moisturiser, now, it doesn't smell horrendous, it's just not as pleasant as the rest of the range. Wet doggish is maybe a bit harsh but I don't particularly like the smell, that being said the moisturiser is very hydrating and absorbs into the skin quickly which I love.
Gentle Face Exfoliator 50ml, I am not head over heels in love with this, I prefer my own homemade scrubs which I have improvised on and looked at other random articles to get recipes for, but I will say, it was a free gift in the set, it's not going to be ground breaking, its nice, it does it's job and it smells good, the beads aren't too harsh on the skin and that's about as much as I can say on the product.
Overall, I'm really pleased with the set, price and the results, unfortunately I am a massive plonker and forgot to do a before and after shot of my skin #dickheaaad, but I've got a spot treatment product review coming up and I pinky promise I will make sure I have before and afters on that post! I hope you enjoyed my review, I am not sponsored unfortunately so I don't get paid for this, but it goes to show how much I love the products and I feel they're totally worthy of over an hour of my writing time to tell you about them! I promise if I ever reach a stage of ultimate blogger fame, I will not sell out, I will always give my honest opinion on everything, sponsored, un-sponsored, you name it, I'll still be Jenny from the block, if you will...
Sunday, 14 August 2016
Diary of a 23 year old nobody: 08/08/16-14/08/16
8th August 2016
I decided yesterday as you know to wake up early and get loads done first thing, I did wake up early 6am to be precise, but I maybe did two things on my list.. (whoops). I spoke with Aaron while he was on his way to work, when we finished the call I chilled in bed for a little while. This morning I made a decision about something seemingly not very important but something that definitely does make an impact on our day to day lives, Facebook...
I love Facebook so much, I love the idea of social media but I am so so exhausted with the reality of it and of course, the dreaded comments section, I'm always drawn to them because I'm always interested in other peoples reactions to things but sometimes, people can be such arse holes and so vulgar because on Facebook they do not face consequences nor do they have to take responsibility for their words. I'm not a person to stand by and watch while bad things happen and I always try my upmost to remain positive but also make people accountable for their words to try and encourage people to change their mindset and understand that words can hurt and when you do this, usually, you get the name calling and hurtful words tenfold. I'm exhausted with it, frankly I do not give a shit what you have to say about me because I know the difference between right and wrong but, speaking ill of someone who can't defend themselves is just gross, there's no other word for it really. So I have decided to distance myself, I've logged out of the app on my phone so I don't have the notifications constantly and I've decided to limit the amount of time I look at it daily and weekly.
One app I do live for though is snapchat, which brings me on to the rest of my morning, to help myself get in a cleaning mood I put Kisstory on, a blessing and a curse. The music was great and I got loads of miming videos on snapchat to annoy all the people who are insane enough to follow me on it, what this also meant was I got totally distracted and didn't do any of the things I planned this morning. Maybe if you're lucky I'll pop the footage below, haha. I got myself ready and did this dishes (1 thing on my list) on my way out took the rubbish out (another thing on my list).
I walked to the station and called my Mimi to see how she's doing and talk to her a little bit about my experience with the whole Facebook thing. We came off the phone by the time I got on the train, I continued with Kisstory blasting in my ears and experiencing my morning commute without Facebook. I bumped into my friend S's friend on the tube when getting to Greenwich and when we came out of the station we went and collected our lunch from Tesco's together, we parted ways after that as she works somewhere else. I headed up to the office, got logged in, published my last diary entry (which I will promote on Facebook) and started taking calls. I make it to lunch at which point I dedicate half of my break on working on this first diary entry for the week, #bloggerlife #anyfreemomentwilldo I am absolutely dying for a wee though so I might have to get away from this desk before I wet myself! I have a BLT, some blueberries, some black grapes an iced coffee and some crisps, thai sweet chilli sensations, if you were interested... I walk downstairs with my friend T and have a cigarette and catch up about our weekends, I walk her to the station and then walk back to the office and get settled at my desk ready to continue the rest of my shift, I start working on another blog post and time flies of course, before I know it, it's time to log back into the phones.
I start taking calls again at 4:35pm, it's brutal, the two calls I've taken have been absolutely horrid, I've only tried to help with basic things but people don't seem to have any logic. The rest of the shift isn't much easier but some really nice people have cheered me up a bit, my friend Y calls me before I'm about to go on break so I give him a shout when I get downstairs, I try to call Aaron after but there's still no answer so I send a message to find out if he is at home tonight and if he is okay. Eventually my shift draws to an end, I pack my stuff and head home, Aaron still isn't answering, I'm really worried. I get the train and call my friend S once I reach Croydon, I smoke a couple of cigarettes downstairs but it keeps making me sick, so I think I'm going to stop for a little while.
I head upstairs and Aaron is sleeping, blissfully unaware I have been worrying my tits off for easily 2 hours about his whereabouts! I continue my conversation with S until my battery dies, I get myself all washed up and ready for bed, I turn the TV off, put my phone on charge and crawl into bed with Aaron.
9th August 2016
I woke up early, 6am ish, but I do not feel good at all, my stomach is killing me, its so painful I can barely move, I sleep in until I absolutely have to get up but even when I do get up I'm still in enormous pain. I pull myself together and get out of the front door and on the train to work, when I arrive at work I'm in such pain that I have to ask to go home, I get signed off for the day and told to come back when I feel better.
I make my way back home, what a waste of money, I should have just called, but I wanted to try at least. I get back to Croydon head to boots to try and find something to help me but unfortunately they have nothing, I grab some chips and a diet coke from Mc D's, probably not the key to feeling better but I need something. I walk home slowly contemplating getting some food shopping but I cannot manage to carry it home.
I get indoors and flop in bed still in my work clothes, I do not move until the evening, just to get more water and something to eat. The only time the pain isn't completely unbearable is when I'm lying down dead straight. I go to sleep early and hope to feel better in the morning.
10th August 2016
I wake up early again to try and see if I can muster the energy to go to work, today I feel much the same as yesterday. My colleague and friend T texts me and asks if I am coming in today, I'm still undecided at this point but she tells me if I'm anything like yesterday I should just stay home. To be honest with you, I feel even worse today, I decide at about 9am, I'm not going to make it in, I call in sick.
I order some food shopping online because I genuinely cannot move and I have barely anything in the house. I have boiled egg and soldiers again for brunch and a shittonne of water. I watched Legend of the drunken master (another favourite film) and managed to get a little bit of laundry done in the house. Aaron gets home from work and joins my couch (bed) potato situation, he doesn't feel great either. Eventually the food shopping arrives, I put everything away and make a breakfast sandwich for dinner, not amazing but it's something. I have a shower and get ready for bed early I don't have the energy to stay up. We watch a documentary on this cult and I literally passed out at the end of it. To be honest there's not much to report for the last few days I've just been wrapped up in bed.
11th August 2016
Today is my day off anyway but I make a decision that I have to go back to work tomorrow for my own sanity. I do a bit of housework and prepare my dinner following that I literally watch chick flicks back to back, clueless, legally blonde, there was another one but I haven't seen it before so I can't remember what it was but it had Dane Cook in it. Aaron gets back from work, I have a bath, have some dinner and I go to bed, exciting right!?
12th August 2016
We are finally here, the first time I have left my house in 3 days, I get up at about 7:30am, wash and dress myself, have some breakfast and take the rubbish out. I collect some parcels I have waiting for me, my Mario Badescu products have finally arrived, review coming soon. I take them upstairs and grab my stuff to leave for work, I walk down to the station, it's beautiful weather out today, my stomach is still giving the odd pang of pain but it's not extraordinary.
I get to Greenwich with a bit of time to spare so head to Starbucks and get a caramel frappe and ham and cheddar croissant, I get upstairs and logged in and catch up with a couple of friends before I start my shift. From the moment the first call came in all that cabin fever I had from being at home for 3 days disappeared, I wanted to return to my hibernation spot and live in peace watching chick flicks but no, I'm back here. Customer service queen! I had a few meetings today which definitely helped speed up the day. I have also decided to smoke as little as I can as the feeling of it is making me hurl but obviously that need to go outside and have a cigarette is still very present, ESPECIALLY in my working environment.
The only breaks I take today are the ones designated, morning break (15mins) lunch break (1 hour) afternoon break (15mins), it is crazy busy. I manage to work on 1 single sentence of my blog before I get trapped in another wave of calls. Eventually the day ends and I can escape, I decided to stay with Aaron at his mums tonight so I head over on the train. I call my sister and try and contact my grandma to let her know I'll be in the area, but I forgot she's out today. I treat myself to a lavender lemonade from this pretzel place I always walk past at Clapham Junction and spend 5mins trying to get a picture for instagram, its just about passable but I look like a bit of a prick, how the hell am I going to do YouTube?
I get to Aaron's mums road and see the PAAAAL (cat) he's mewing at me so I stand in the middle of the street giving him a tummy rub, I tell him to come home and walk off. I get indoors and we order Chinese food for dinner, Aaron's mum isn't feeling great she had an asthma attack I think yesterday and her chest sounds bad. We watch some of the Olympics (for someone who hates them, I'm starting to get a little into it) then Aaron's mum puts CBB on, I usually don't watch this but OH MY GOD RENEE FROM MOB WIVES IS IN IT!!! I feel like I have missed out now, I'm not going to allow this to suck me in, just a new season of Mob Wives please ITV.
I head downstairs to the garden where Aaron is and have a cigarette, after this I come in and wash my hands and face before getting ready for bed, Aaron makes a little cocoon out of duvets and pillows for me and we drift off.
13th August 2016
Aaron wakes me before he leaves for work, I tell him I love him then ask him to turn the flipping side light off, it's blinding and I don't have to be up for at least another hour! I get out of bed at 8:15am I need to leave at 8:45am, I get up and go for a wee, wash myself get dressed (luckily I packed fresh clothes for some random reason) and get my bag ready. I knock on W's bedroom door to let her know I'm off and I'll see her later and I walk to the station.
I get to the station with enough time, the one thing I don't have is deodorant I go to Superdrug and buy 3 deodorants, one body oil, one moisturiser, dry shampoo (I don't know why, I never use it, I'd rather just wash my hair) and it takes all my self control not to buy a sickly sweet body spray. I then nip over to M&S to buy lunch, I was going to bring my Chinese from yesterday but I am always so unhealthy when I'm away from home, so I grab one big thing of carrot and orange juice (favourite, better when its fresh with ginger too) get a Mexican rice salad thing (its the best salad at M&S) and some Honey BBQ wholegrain snacks (never tried before, Ill update you after lunch). I get to my platform ready to buy myself some breakfast from my usual when I travel from Clapham junction, they've got the board up offering products they don't even have in stock, I leave it because they have literally 2 pastries and thats it, I get my train, hungry as fuck by the way, pay my electric bill and make my way to work.
When I get to Greenwich I repeat yesterday morning, I walk to Starbucks, get a caramel frappe and a ham and cheddar croissant. Everything is great until I realise I've spilt coffee on my brand new, primarily white top, for fuck sakes. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I cannot wear white to save my life without staining it, how the fuck am I going to cope when I get married, not that it's happening anytime soon but seriously? My wedding dress is going to be trashed by the end of the day! I participate in my own wet t-shirt contest at work and clean the coffee marks off with cold water and washing up liquid (I'm giving away all my secrets now, yes its a stain buster and yes its great for cleaning suede but there is a process). I get logged in and start taking calls, it's crazy busy again today. In the 5 seconds I get between each call me and my friend S manage to have a conversation across the space of about an hour about a handbag I might buy off her, we leave the discussion on her sending some pictures and a price so I can let her know if I want it.
My break arrives and I work on all of the above relating to today, my old phone had the blogger app so I could work as I went but the app isn't available on Apple, why Blogger? You know all these blogging bishes are on iPhones! Shieeet. Anyway, I work through my break and get back on the phones at 12:10pm, I take a couple calls and it's gets quiet and now I have nothing to write about as we are actually in the present moment and nothing is going on in my brain, I need to pee, we can catch up later! I just got a call anyway so I can't talk to you guys, sorry not sorry.
I get through the barrage of calls and manage to survive without losing my temper, its finally lunchtime, we are halfway through the day. I eat my Mexican salad and drink a bottle of water, I have just wrapped up a blog post so I send it to some people in my office and put it out there on Facebook. I walk over to my friend O and ask if I can steal a rollie, I have a chat with him and my other friend O, in the midst of this she makes a joke about staining my top and literally the moment she says it I drop some of the salad AND dressing down the front of me, AGAIN. I take myself to the kitchen and try to get it out, it doesn't happen straight away but I manage to fade it so hopefully it'll come out in the wash, its a Mexican salad dressing though and because of the oil its going to be a bitch to get it out. I go downstairs for my cigarette and come back up and sit with boy O for a bit catching up, we sit in different parts of the office so I haven't seen these guys in a while! My lunch draws to an end and I get myself logged back in on the phones.
It's quiet, peace at last... I use this time to sort my emails and start working on a new blog post.
I have a review coming up guys, get excited, I'm joking, feel how you want but I am excited to share my new HOLY GRAIL with you! It's on and off busy for the rest of the shift, I crack open these honey BBQ wholegrain snacks, they're edible but I'm lost on the BBQ element also the honey element, they're a bit lacklustre, definitely not worth the 95p or whatever it was. I fully cannot wait to get out of here today, but I've got a mission journey coming up, I have to go back to my house, grab stuff, pack a bag and head back over to Battersea, there are no trains running from Croydon tomorrow for my route, but I'm not going to lie, I am so tempted to stay home tonight, I want to try my Mario Badescu products that came in the post, I really need to hoover and I want to iron and hang my clothes for the week ahead. I might tell Aaron I'm staying at home, it's just a bit of a mish, if I had a car it would be fine, but it will be just as problematic getting to work tomorrow from Clapham as it will be from Croydon.
I call Aaron once I finish work and all the above goes out the window, I call my Mimi, I always keep spare clothes ect at her house. She's home so I head over after work and all of our friends from San Francisco are visiting the UK, I catch up with them all, by catch up I mean I talk about myself for ages (I feel really bad about that but sometimes I get caught in the moment) I stay for a couple hours, we chat about whats going on in America with Trump, the police all this madness that gets reported to us over here. It hits about 9:30pm, I really ought to make a move, I grab my clothes and my prescription (finally), give everyone some love and walk down to Aaron's mums house. I try to call Aaron but he's not answering, I hope he's awake, he usually conks out around this time, I call B on my way down anyway because I miss her and I want to see her! We make a plan for me to go over tomorrow for a couple of drinks, I can't go crazy because I have work on Monday but I can have a nice Sunday adult beverage!
I get to Aaron's mums, put my stuff downstairs, catch up with W and head out into the garden with Aaron for a cigarette, we catch up for a little while before I crawl into bed with my brand new book that I'm super excited to read (The life changing magic of not giving a f*ck- Sarah Knight) I get through the first chapter and start feeling sleepy, I decide to set my alarm for work tomorrow and doze off, not giving a fuck about anything.
14th August 2016
My alarm goes off at 7:30am, I'm so cozy I don't want to move, so I don't until 8:20am, now I've only got 20 minutes to get ready, oh well it was worth it. I get in the shower, wash myself, change into some fresh clothes after using my new moisturiser I got yesterday and fix my face and hair. I go upstairs to Aaron and put some stuff in his bag that I couldn't handle carrying around all day, he does it to me all the time (ladies you know what I mean). Anyway, I chill with him for about 10 minutes and he compliments my shirt, it makes me smile because, well, thats MY man and he loves me even in my Sunday worst! We hug it out before I leave and I start walking down to the station, my train is at 9:20am and its 9am, I need breakfast, I decide to risk it and see if I have time to sort breakfast at this end. While I'm walking I get a call from my friend K, I'm in shock I've never seen her up this early unless she has work, I ask if she's okay, obviously and she informs me she's doing a breakfast run, we chat for 40mins while I'm on the train and decide we will meet up probably next week.
I get to Greenwich and call Aaron, I remind him I will be out this evening and find out what his plans are for the day, we finish the catch up we were having indoors and I end the call, I have to get logged into my computer. It's dead quiet on the phones for the first 30mins so I use the time to get cracking on a new blog post, yes guys, I'm going hard, I have a shittone of content for you. I get a couple of calls back to back and I also get a massive headache, I have painkillers but I just want to see if I can get rid of it with water first. I have this spot as well which is fucking hurting, literally so painful, but lets see how much of a G this spot is when I get my Mario Badescu drying lotion on it! I'm hoping for a miracle with this product, before and after shots coming sooner than expected.
I work my way through until lunch and I'm not really hungry but I am gonna eat the other half of my toasted sandwich from earlier. I read some of my book and go and chat with my friend O about this book and self confidence and finding the comfort in being yourself, I have a cigarette downstairs with him and head back up after about 15mins, I go for a wee because that coffee just went straight through me and I call Aaron to remind him, for the love of God, to not forgot the charger cable I left with him! I head back over to my desk and start typing the above, hello, this is a live/not live blog situation here. I have 3 minutes now until I have to get back to my job, if only you knew how much I wish this was my actual job.
I make it through to my next break, I nick a cigarette from one of my friends and head outside for 15 minutes of peace, I call Aaron quickly, it's starting to become quite a draining day, I've worked on a lot of content in the last 24h and I'm starting to get a case of writers block. I have a lot of half finished posts because I have ideas in the middle of my ideas! I decide to take the last bit of my shift to really focus on work and in quiet moments, my book.
Finally it has come to the time I can actually leave work, I get myself packed up and literally run to the station, FREEEEDOM! I hop the train to B's house and try desperately to remember my way to hers, I need to bring a bottle of something but I don't have ID, luckily I get a corner shop man who doesn't give a shit. I pick up a couple of bottles of shitty wine because I am being a cheapskate this week, B is in the same struggle, I literally got paid on Friday and I am JUST about going to tide my way through the rest of the week! I get to her house and see I as well who just got back from a nice trip to the states, we spend the evening catching up with each other, I leave at around 11pm and slyly spend money I don't have on an uber, but her house is about 20mins from mine so it wont be too expensive.
I get indoors, get changed into some pj's, take my before shots, wash my face and try my new Mario Badescu drying lotion, my fingers and toes are crossed to see how this looks in the morning, at the moment, I look like I have been shat on by multiple pigeons. I go to bed hopeful...
I decided yesterday as you know to wake up early and get loads done first thing, I did wake up early 6am to be precise, but I maybe did two things on my list.. (whoops). I spoke with Aaron while he was on his way to work, when we finished the call I chilled in bed for a little while. This morning I made a decision about something seemingly not very important but something that definitely does make an impact on our day to day lives, Facebook...
I love Facebook so much, I love the idea of social media but I am so so exhausted with the reality of it and of course, the dreaded comments section, I'm always drawn to them because I'm always interested in other peoples reactions to things but sometimes, people can be such arse holes and so vulgar because on Facebook they do not face consequences nor do they have to take responsibility for their words. I'm not a person to stand by and watch while bad things happen and I always try my upmost to remain positive but also make people accountable for their words to try and encourage people to change their mindset and understand that words can hurt and when you do this, usually, you get the name calling and hurtful words tenfold. I'm exhausted with it, frankly I do not give a shit what you have to say about me because I know the difference between right and wrong but, speaking ill of someone who can't defend themselves is just gross, there's no other word for it really. So I have decided to distance myself, I've logged out of the app on my phone so I don't have the notifications constantly and I've decided to limit the amount of time I look at it daily and weekly.
One app I do live for though is snapchat, which brings me on to the rest of my morning, to help myself get in a cleaning mood I put Kisstory on, a blessing and a curse. The music was great and I got loads of miming videos on snapchat to annoy all the people who are insane enough to follow me on it, what this also meant was I got totally distracted and didn't do any of the things I planned this morning. Maybe if you're lucky I'll pop the footage below, haha. I got myself ready and did this dishes (1 thing on my list) on my way out took the rubbish out (another thing on my list).
I walked to the station and called my Mimi to see how she's doing and talk to her a little bit about my experience with the whole Facebook thing. We came off the phone by the time I got on the train, I continued with Kisstory blasting in my ears and experiencing my morning commute without Facebook. I bumped into my friend S's friend on the tube when getting to Greenwich and when we came out of the station we went and collected our lunch from Tesco's together, we parted ways after that as she works somewhere else. I headed up to the office, got logged in, published my last diary entry (which I will promote on Facebook) and started taking calls. I make it to lunch at which point I dedicate half of my break on working on this first diary entry for the week, #bloggerlife #anyfreemomentwilldo I am absolutely dying for a wee though so I might have to get away from this desk before I wet myself! I have a BLT, some blueberries, some black grapes an iced coffee and some crisps, thai sweet chilli sensations, if you were interested... I walk downstairs with my friend T and have a cigarette and catch up about our weekends, I walk her to the station and then walk back to the office and get settled at my desk ready to continue the rest of my shift, I start working on another blog post and time flies of course, before I know it, it's time to log back into the phones.
I start taking calls again at 4:35pm, it's brutal, the two calls I've taken have been absolutely horrid, I've only tried to help with basic things but people don't seem to have any logic. The rest of the shift isn't much easier but some really nice people have cheered me up a bit, my friend Y calls me before I'm about to go on break so I give him a shout when I get downstairs, I try to call Aaron after but there's still no answer so I send a message to find out if he is at home tonight and if he is okay. Eventually my shift draws to an end, I pack my stuff and head home, Aaron still isn't answering, I'm really worried. I get the train and call my friend S once I reach Croydon, I smoke a couple of cigarettes downstairs but it keeps making me sick, so I think I'm going to stop for a little while.
I head upstairs and Aaron is sleeping, blissfully unaware I have been worrying my tits off for easily 2 hours about his whereabouts! I continue my conversation with S until my battery dies, I get myself all washed up and ready for bed, I turn the TV off, put my phone on charge and crawl into bed with Aaron.
9th August 2016
I woke up early, 6am ish, but I do not feel good at all, my stomach is killing me, its so painful I can barely move, I sleep in until I absolutely have to get up but even when I do get up I'm still in enormous pain. I pull myself together and get out of the front door and on the train to work, when I arrive at work I'm in such pain that I have to ask to go home, I get signed off for the day and told to come back when I feel better.
I make my way back home, what a waste of money, I should have just called, but I wanted to try at least. I get back to Croydon head to boots to try and find something to help me but unfortunately they have nothing, I grab some chips and a diet coke from Mc D's, probably not the key to feeling better but I need something. I walk home slowly contemplating getting some food shopping but I cannot manage to carry it home.
I get indoors and flop in bed still in my work clothes, I do not move until the evening, just to get more water and something to eat. The only time the pain isn't completely unbearable is when I'm lying down dead straight. I go to sleep early and hope to feel better in the morning.
10th August 2016
I wake up early again to try and see if I can muster the energy to go to work, today I feel much the same as yesterday. My colleague and friend T texts me and asks if I am coming in today, I'm still undecided at this point but she tells me if I'm anything like yesterday I should just stay home. To be honest with you, I feel even worse today, I decide at about 9am, I'm not going to make it in, I call in sick.
I order some food shopping online because I genuinely cannot move and I have barely anything in the house. I have boiled egg and soldiers again for brunch and a shittonne of water. I watched Legend of the drunken master (another favourite film) and managed to get a little bit of laundry done in the house. Aaron gets home from work and joins my couch (bed) potato situation, he doesn't feel great either. Eventually the food shopping arrives, I put everything away and make a breakfast sandwich for dinner, not amazing but it's something. I have a shower and get ready for bed early I don't have the energy to stay up. We watch a documentary on this cult and I literally passed out at the end of it. To be honest there's not much to report for the last few days I've just been wrapped up in bed.
11th August 2016
Today is my day off anyway but I make a decision that I have to go back to work tomorrow for my own sanity. I do a bit of housework and prepare my dinner following that I literally watch chick flicks back to back, clueless, legally blonde, there was another one but I haven't seen it before so I can't remember what it was but it had Dane Cook in it. Aaron gets back from work, I have a bath, have some dinner and I go to bed, exciting right!?
12th August 2016
We are finally here, the first time I have left my house in 3 days, I get up at about 7:30am, wash and dress myself, have some breakfast and take the rubbish out. I collect some parcels I have waiting for me, my Mario Badescu products have finally arrived, review coming soon. I take them upstairs and grab my stuff to leave for work, I walk down to the station, it's beautiful weather out today, my stomach is still giving the odd pang of pain but it's not extraordinary.
I get to Greenwich with a bit of time to spare so head to Starbucks and get a caramel frappe and ham and cheddar croissant, I get upstairs and logged in and catch up with a couple of friends before I start my shift. From the moment the first call came in all that cabin fever I had from being at home for 3 days disappeared, I wanted to return to my hibernation spot and live in peace watching chick flicks but no, I'm back here. Customer service queen! I had a few meetings today which definitely helped speed up the day. I have also decided to smoke as little as I can as the feeling of it is making me hurl but obviously that need to go outside and have a cigarette is still very present, ESPECIALLY in my working environment.
The only breaks I take today are the ones designated, morning break (15mins) lunch break (1 hour) afternoon break (15mins), it is crazy busy. I manage to work on 1 single sentence of my blog before I get trapped in another wave of calls. Eventually the day ends and I can escape, I decided to stay with Aaron at his mums tonight so I head over on the train. I call my sister and try and contact my grandma to let her know I'll be in the area, but I forgot she's out today. I treat myself to a lavender lemonade from this pretzel place I always walk past at Clapham Junction and spend 5mins trying to get a picture for instagram, its just about passable but I look like a bit of a prick, how the hell am I going to do YouTube?
I get to Aaron's mums road and see the PAAAAL (cat) he's mewing at me so I stand in the middle of the street giving him a tummy rub, I tell him to come home and walk off. I get indoors and we order Chinese food for dinner, Aaron's mum isn't feeling great she had an asthma attack I think yesterday and her chest sounds bad. We watch some of the Olympics (for someone who hates them, I'm starting to get a little into it) then Aaron's mum puts CBB on, I usually don't watch this but OH MY GOD RENEE FROM MOB WIVES IS IN IT!!! I feel like I have missed out now, I'm not going to allow this to suck me in, just a new season of Mob Wives please ITV.
I head downstairs to the garden where Aaron is and have a cigarette, after this I come in and wash my hands and face before getting ready for bed, Aaron makes a little cocoon out of duvets and pillows for me and we drift off.
13th August 2016
Aaron wakes me before he leaves for work, I tell him I love him then ask him to turn the flipping side light off, it's blinding and I don't have to be up for at least another hour! I get out of bed at 8:15am I need to leave at 8:45am, I get up and go for a wee, wash myself get dressed (luckily I packed fresh clothes for some random reason) and get my bag ready. I knock on W's bedroom door to let her know I'm off and I'll see her later and I walk to the station.
I get to the station with enough time, the one thing I don't have is deodorant I go to Superdrug and buy 3 deodorants, one body oil, one moisturiser, dry shampoo (I don't know why, I never use it, I'd rather just wash my hair) and it takes all my self control not to buy a sickly sweet body spray. I then nip over to M&S to buy lunch, I was going to bring my Chinese from yesterday but I am always so unhealthy when I'm away from home, so I grab one big thing of carrot and orange juice (favourite, better when its fresh with ginger too) get a Mexican rice salad thing (its the best salad at M&S) and some Honey BBQ wholegrain snacks (never tried before, Ill update you after lunch). I get to my platform ready to buy myself some breakfast from my usual when I travel from Clapham junction, they've got the board up offering products they don't even have in stock, I leave it because they have literally 2 pastries and thats it, I get my train, hungry as fuck by the way, pay my electric bill and make my way to work.
When I get to Greenwich I repeat yesterday morning, I walk to Starbucks, get a caramel frappe and a ham and cheddar croissant. Everything is great until I realise I've spilt coffee on my brand new, primarily white top, for fuck sakes. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I cannot wear white to save my life without staining it, how the fuck am I going to cope when I get married, not that it's happening anytime soon but seriously? My wedding dress is going to be trashed by the end of the day! I participate in my own wet t-shirt contest at work and clean the coffee marks off with cold water and washing up liquid (I'm giving away all my secrets now, yes its a stain buster and yes its great for cleaning suede but there is a process). I get logged in and start taking calls, it's crazy busy again today. In the 5 seconds I get between each call me and my friend S manage to have a conversation across the space of about an hour about a handbag I might buy off her, we leave the discussion on her sending some pictures and a price so I can let her know if I want it.
My break arrives and I work on all of the above relating to today, my old phone had the blogger app so I could work as I went but the app isn't available on Apple, why Blogger? You know all these blogging bishes are on iPhones! Shieeet. Anyway, I work through my break and get back on the phones at 12:10pm, I take a couple calls and it's gets quiet and now I have nothing to write about as we are actually in the present moment and nothing is going on in my brain, I need to pee, we can catch up later! I just got a call anyway so I can't talk to you guys, sorry not sorry.
I get through the barrage of calls and manage to survive without losing my temper, its finally lunchtime, we are halfway through the day. I eat my Mexican salad and drink a bottle of water, I have just wrapped up a blog post so I send it to some people in my office and put it out there on Facebook. I walk over to my friend O and ask if I can steal a rollie, I have a chat with him and my other friend O, in the midst of this she makes a joke about staining my top and literally the moment she says it I drop some of the salad AND dressing down the front of me, AGAIN. I take myself to the kitchen and try to get it out, it doesn't happen straight away but I manage to fade it so hopefully it'll come out in the wash, its a Mexican salad dressing though and because of the oil its going to be a bitch to get it out. I go downstairs for my cigarette and come back up and sit with boy O for a bit catching up, we sit in different parts of the office so I haven't seen these guys in a while! My lunch draws to an end and I get myself logged back in on the phones.
It's quiet, peace at last... I use this time to sort my emails and start working on a new blog post.
I have a review coming up guys, get excited, I'm joking, feel how you want but I am excited to share my new HOLY GRAIL with you! It's on and off busy for the rest of the shift, I crack open these honey BBQ wholegrain snacks, they're edible but I'm lost on the BBQ element also the honey element, they're a bit lacklustre, definitely not worth the 95p or whatever it was. I fully cannot wait to get out of here today, but I've got a mission journey coming up, I have to go back to my house, grab stuff, pack a bag and head back over to Battersea, there are no trains running from Croydon tomorrow for my route, but I'm not going to lie, I am so tempted to stay home tonight, I want to try my Mario Badescu products that came in the post, I really need to hoover and I want to iron and hang my clothes for the week ahead. I might tell Aaron I'm staying at home, it's just a bit of a mish, if I had a car it would be fine, but it will be just as problematic getting to work tomorrow from Clapham as it will be from Croydon.
I call Aaron once I finish work and all the above goes out the window, I call my Mimi, I always keep spare clothes ect at her house. She's home so I head over after work and all of our friends from San Francisco are visiting the UK, I catch up with them all, by catch up I mean I talk about myself for ages (I feel really bad about that but sometimes I get caught in the moment) I stay for a couple hours, we chat about whats going on in America with Trump, the police all this madness that gets reported to us over here. It hits about 9:30pm, I really ought to make a move, I grab my clothes and my prescription (finally), give everyone some love and walk down to Aaron's mums house. I try to call Aaron but he's not answering, I hope he's awake, he usually conks out around this time, I call B on my way down anyway because I miss her and I want to see her! We make a plan for me to go over tomorrow for a couple of drinks, I can't go crazy because I have work on Monday but I can have a nice Sunday adult beverage!
I get to Aaron's mums, put my stuff downstairs, catch up with W and head out into the garden with Aaron for a cigarette, we catch up for a little while before I crawl into bed with my brand new book that I'm super excited to read (The life changing magic of not giving a f*ck- Sarah Knight) I get through the first chapter and start feeling sleepy, I decide to set my alarm for work tomorrow and doze off, not giving a fuck about anything.
14th August 2016
My alarm goes off at 7:30am, I'm so cozy I don't want to move, so I don't until 8:20am, now I've only got 20 minutes to get ready, oh well it was worth it. I get in the shower, wash myself, change into some fresh clothes after using my new moisturiser I got yesterday and fix my face and hair. I go upstairs to Aaron and put some stuff in his bag that I couldn't handle carrying around all day, he does it to me all the time (ladies you know what I mean). Anyway, I chill with him for about 10 minutes and he compliments my shirt, it makes me smile because, well, thats MY man and he loves me even in my Sunday worst! We hug it out before I leave and I start walking down to the station, my train is at 9:20am and its 9am, I need breakfast, I decide to risk it and see if I have time to sort breakfast at this end. While I'm walking I get a call from my friend K, I'm in shock I've never seen her up this early unless she has work, I ask if she's okay, obviously and she informs me she's doing a breakfast run, we chat for 40mins while I'm on the train and decide we will meet up probably next week.
I get to Greenwich and call Aaron, I remind him I will be out this evening and find out what his plans are for the day, we finish the catch up we were having indoors and I end the call, I have to get logged into my computer. It's dead quiet on the phones for the first 30mins so I use the time to get cracking on a new blog post, yes guys, I'm going hard, I have a shittone of content for you. I get a couple of calls back to back and I also get a massive headache, I have painkillers but I just want to see if I can get rid of it with water first. I have this spot as well which is fucking hurting, literally so painful, but lets see how much of a G this spot is when I get my Mario Badescu drying lotion on it! I'm hoping for a miracle with this product, before and after shots coming sooner than expected.
I work my way through until lunch and I'm not really hungry but I am gonna eat the other half of my toasted sandwich from earlier. I read some of my book and go and chat with my friend O about this book and self confidence and finding the comfort in being yourself, I have a cigarette downstairs with him and head back up after about 15mins, I go for a wee because that coffee just went straight through me and I call Aaron to remind him, for the love of God, to not forgot the charger cable I left with him! I head back over to my desk and start typing the above, hello, this is a live/not live blog situation here. I have 3 minutes now until I have to get back to my job, if only you knew how much I wish this was my actual job.
I make it through to my next break, I nick a cigarette from one of my friends and head outside for 15 minutes of peace, I call Aaron quickly, it's starting to become quite a draining day, I've worked on a lot of content in the last 24h and I'm starting to get a case of writers block. I have a lot of half finished posts because I have ideas in the middle of my ideas! I decide to take the last bit of my shift to really focus on work and in quiet moments, my book.
Finally it has come to the time I can actually leave work, I get myself packed up and literally run to the station, FREEEEDOM! I hop the train to B's house and try desperately to remember my way to hers, I need to bring a bottle of something but I don't have ID, luckily I get a corner shop man who doesn't give a shit. I pick up a couple of bottles of shitty wine because I am being a cheapskate this week, B is in the same struggle, I literally got paid on Friday and I am JUST about going to tide my way through the rest of the week! I get to her house and see I as well who just got back from a nice trip to the states, we spend the evening catching up with each other, I leave at around 11pm and slyly spend money I don't have on an uber, but her house is about 20mins from mine so it wont be too expensive.
I get indoors, get changed into some pj's, take my before shots, wash my face and try my new Mario Badescu drying lotion, my fingers and toes are crossed to see how this looks in the morning, at the moment, I look like I have been shat on by multiple pigeons. I go to bed hopeful...
Saturday, 13 August 2016
All up in my feelings: social media
Social media is dangerous.
It allows strangers to exude strangeness.
Neither conscience or consequence come into question here.
Where a positive comment to remind people of their morals leaves you humiliated and in fear.
I find the antics of this side of human nature.
To not work in anybodies favour.
We are all equal here.
This is a fact forgotten by many.
Even more so when they start their running commentary.
I've made a decision to distance myself as I can no longer handle the pressure of feeling I need to speak up for the world.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, that part, joking, just on my Kanye soapbox (good song by the way, a current favourite, but I have an unnatural obsession with ScHoolboy Q, shh!) but in seriousness to all my fabulous readers out there, although my above words might make me feel and sound like a mediocre poet, there is a message hiding in plain sight there. People we need to do better, whether it's a post on the Kardashians or Syria, hurtful words are just hurtful, hateful comments are just hateful, what on earth is the point in saying something mean for the sake of it? I know for damn sure your parents or family would have taught you if you have nothing nice to say keep it to yourself, sure I rolled my eyes at mumzy for years but now I am a bit older, she was absolutely right. So lets keep it real, get ready for a bit of a rude awakening...
Firstly, why the fuck would I waste my time trying to bring someone else down? I am only mean to you if you are mean to me and before I throw and shade back, I try to find forgiveness first. I wont say anything behind someones back that I wouldn't say to their face and if I'm saying the badness to your face, I am most likely doing it for your own good.
Secondly, when we are looking at more serious matters such as Syria, how can you even look at yourself as a decent human being when you're spewing hate? It's actually disgusting, put yourself in their shoes. What the fuck else are they going to do in that situation? All these people who talk shit on these things are the worst type of pussies, fucking keyboard warriors, it makes me physically sick, keep your hate in your own poisoned mind. Imagine that, talking shit about something you never have and never will experience with your comfortable life, what's that sound? Oh its IGNORANCE, I have no time for ignorant people and funnily enough neither does the rest of the population, please kindly see yourself out.
Thirdly, have you not got anything better to do with your time? Like seriously, need I extend this point any further than this question?
People lets place nicely, lets send messages of kindness and not demonise people who stand up and represent that, it is not 'cool' to be a bully or an arsehole, whats cool is being a nice fucking human being. It is a short post but I think you get my point and I'm sure this wont be the last time I post on such matters. As always thank you for reading, I have a diary entry coming soon so stay tuned, it will be up tomorrow! Big massive love, fuck the haters!
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