Today...

Today I am feeling defeated but at the same time empowered, if that even makes any sense at all...

I feel defeated because I have given up on this year, it's been a bit shit, the next fortnight will probably also be a bit shit, lets be honest. 

I feel defeated and deflated that I still work in customer service and this is all I have made of myself at this stage in my life.

I feel defeated that I cannot beat my anxiety, even after being so sure I was in control in my past posts.

I feel defeated that I let my anxiety stand in the way of my passion for writing and I let my, very few readers down with a lack of content.

I feel defeated that my bravado and water off a ducks back approach to peoples opinions has been chipped away at throughout the last few months.

It's been a tough year for me and most certainly a tough year for a lot of people who have definitely had it way worse than me, this year I wanted to discover myself and in doing so I found a lot of things I do not like, which in one aspect makes me feel empowered that I have identified some of the issue but it certainly brings me down too! How the human race functions at the moment in general makes me feel defeated, to name a few; Syria, Yemen, Gaza, the EU referendum & the racism that followed, Theresa May, Southern rail services, London rent, rest of the world rent, police officers in the US and to be honest pretty much everywhere in the world abusing their power, all the incredible people who have lost their lives this year, bloody DONALD TRUMP in the White House! Need I say any more? All of us normal, compassionate folks have been looking at at the world self destruct and like me a lot of us have probably lost our last little shred of hope for a peaceful, safe and progressive future. 

However, I still feel empowered.

I feel empowered because I have identified my own issues.

I feel empowered because I know in my heart I am a good person, who would give everything I could to someone who needed it. 

I feel empowered because I have a somewhat solid plan for 2017.

I feel empowered for being able to sort of find the words to write again today.

The bad certainly outweighs the good this year and at this current moment but I feel empowered because I know I am not alone in this feeling and I have faith we will all find the light in these dark times.