25th July 2016
5:30am alarm is ringing, snooze. I give myself until 6:20am to get up. I pull myself from bed and turn the fan off, it's finally a normal temperature in my house. I pull on the tshirt I ditched 10 mins into sleeping last night and head to the kitchen, I'm in dire need of coffee... I put some toast on and make myself this urgently required cup of coffee, once thats done I set it on the side and crawl back into bed for a 5 minute cuddle with Aaron. I drag myself away from bed for the second time and eat my breakfast, grab a quick shower, get dressed and of course drink my coffee. I need to look slightly alive today, so I put some mascara on and eyebrow gel to keep these crazy eyebrows in check, I stuff my lunch in my bag and vacate my premises.
I get to the station and my train is 5 minutes early, I'm amazed, I'm glad I was early otherwise I would've ended up late to work! I call Aaron on my way in, I get to Surrey Quays so we have to hang up because I lose signal there. I declare today as a Portishead day, I fill my ears with their music and get to Greenwich 20 mins prior to work, I sort myself out and get ready to take some calls.
It's busy today, I work my way through to my first break, I roll a cigarette and head downstairs, I call Aaron to find out how his day off is going, he is not like me, he likes to have stuff to do where as I am perfectly happy vegging out for days, so currently he is dying of boredom. I honestly hate this whole 9-5, 8-4, 10-6, 12-8 life, however you wanna put it I hate work, that's not to say I hate my job (I do) but I really despise this being my situation, part of me wishes I was born with that silver spoon, obviously I'm grateful for my struggle but I need to catch a break, I wanna go do some real shit with my time, why must I waste my life in an office? Struggling with a good wage to pay my rent, bills and live #letamotherfuckerlive! Why cant I get better, I will get better.
I have packed lunch #brokelife and try and motivate myself through the rest of this shift. After what feels like a million years 5pm rolls around, I mentally prepare for commuting through Canary Wharf at the time EVERYONE finishes work. I get squashed in to armpits, breath in my face and bio surrounding the carriage, is this really life? I'm feeling really philosophical today, can you tell? On a real though, I do not want to be living like this forever, I'm not cut out for this shit, its so boring. I order some Chinese on the train so when I get home I don't have a long wait, thank God for Just Eat, do I have the money to do this? No. Do I care? No. I deserve some food I feel like, I work hard enough for it.
I get home to be with my ultimate favourite person, I give myself a manicure and pedicure, our food arrives shortly after so we Netflix and chill for the evening and no not in that way (my family read this shit, jeez) Aaron shows me this programme called Chefs Table, God damn this show is inspirational, a chef who got cancer and lost the ability to taste, then survived after a 30% survival rate, THEN managed to recover his ability to taste. Another chef from Brazil comes on, he moved to Europe to live that punk life, moved to Italy went to culinary school just for a visa and instead of wasting it, turned it into something, he went back to Brazil, and works with all the indigenous people, using authentic Brazilian ingredients and helping to protect the rainforests and these people by helping them sustain their environment and making sure they get paid for it too. THAT is the type of thing I need to be doing, this is why I write, I wanna motivate people, I wanna make people think, I am a controversial person, I wanna help you to do better and I wanna do better.
We have a little nightcap and head to bed, one of us has an early start tomorrow.
26th July 2016
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, just one more day until my day off. I get ready and Aaron walks me to the station. It's nice to have some company on my way in, he was gonna head out to the Chinese supermarket to buy some new knives for work, but it was too early so he went home and called while I was on the train. My nail polish has chipped already, like seriously? Are you joking, I did bottom coat, 2 colour coats and a top coat, that's what my nail guy does, this is why I pay people to do this shit, what a waste of an hour and a half of my life.
I manage to turn the I hate work part of my brain off today a little bit and just get on with my day, I do some final editing on my last diary before publishing it, it's late again, am I ever gonna get this out on a Monday like its supposed to be? Probably not, sorry guys, you're dealing with an organised disaster of a person (if you don't know now you know). I wanted to say something else but I don't wanna get myself in trouble, one day we will be so close I can share all of my deepest darkest secrets with you, but that day isn't here yet, I'll forever keep it real though, that's a promise.
I drag myself through the day, it gets dull in a call centre, it's always the same shit day in day out, once in a while something remotely interesting will happen. Most of my days are spent face palming, I'm sorry I don't want to be mean but some of the calls I get are so ridiculous I get embarrassed. Please bare in mind I've been doing phone work in one way or another for at least 3 years now, I'M BOREEEEED, but I am grateful to be in a position that I have a job, I just hope this isn't my life for the next 40 years... I get home and I'll be real, I don't even know what I've done this evening, I waste my evenings, I don't feel to go out after work I'm too drained.
I'll end the day from here, I just got into bed and went to sleep, I did find a really cute heart shaped leaf today though and that did make me smile, so sprinkle that positivity over yourself. You can see said leaf on my instagram @keepupwithacashin.
PS: ALL of my nail polish came off my hands by the end of the day, nail polish knows no loyalty.
27th July
I get up extra early, I am actually doing something after work today, I'm going to see my cousin who I haven't seen for yeaaaars. I get ready, get myself out the house, I don't have lunch today, I don't need to carry all that. I am running late to work because of all these Canary Wharf people, they just need a Canary Wharf only tube, I watch about 8 tubes go past before I can actually get on one and these people wanna push in front, bitch no, get to the back of the line, feel my struggle. I cannot afford to be late, I've been ill and had an unscheduled absence, I don't need to be in a performance meeting because they put me on 9-5's. On the way up the escalators I see one of the main floor managers, I catch up with him, I just want to overtake him, in theory if I get in the building before him I'm not late (yes welcome to my brain, this is how it works). I'm bullshitting myself but it made him laugh, PROMOTE ME PLEASE, I make it on the dot to my desk, I don't think anyone noticed me running in (not).
My computers not working, well thank God, that buys me some time to act like I wasn't late. Act natural is all that's swirling in my head, I feel good today, bar my skin, my skin can F right off at the moment, because I STILL haven't been able to get my pill its going batshit crazy and turning on me, but I've got my new Burberry top on (deal on eBay, I live for a good deal so don't ever take me to TKMaxx, unless you're paying) my hair is semi normal.
It's busy for 9am, like really who has time to do these calls from open to close, it's such a rarity for a 10 second break between calls at the moment, like please, let me breathe and catch a sip of water. I go for my break at 10:40am, I was dying for that rollie, am I proud? No, but you would understand if you were in my shoes. I'm definitely going to break my 5 a day limit tonight though. I have lunch with my friend J, have a little wedding talk, she's training to be a wedding planner, I get our works 'jerk (five spice) chicken' coleslaw and potato salad. I eat the chicken and coleslaw and half of the potato salad, I'm not really hungry but I need to eat something. I rush back to my desk at 13:44 my lunch finishes on the dot. I start taking calls again and realise immediately I need to pee, this always happens to me, I will be so cool for my whole lunch as soon as I go back I feel like my kidney's are about to burst, its a sign, hahaha. I firm it for about 40mins and then go, I don't want my manager to think I'm taking the absolute piss. I get through the rest of the day relatively unphased by the daily bullshit.
I end up getting stuck behind at work for half an hour, now I'm gonna be too late to pick up my pill. I leave the office and call Aaron, he's had a shit day at work today, he's not one to complain so I ask if I can call him back in 20 so I can get to Waterloo and can talk properly. I get on the tube and listen to some tunes, today's pick is ASAP Ferg. I get off the tube and see the most beautiful coat on some girl, I overcame my anxiety for a second it was that beautiful, I stopped the girl to find out where it was from, she said mango about six weeks ago, pray for me people, I need that flipping coat. I ran up to the train and called Aaron back, I've never been on a train where so many people are in my business, like seriously get out my phonecall, does this sound like a conference call, God damn, put your headphones in. I just keep seeing ears prick up, I decide to speak openly, since you're all earwigging anyway let me just be me, loud, sweary and proud. People who swear more are supposedly more intelligent so fuck ya'll.
I get the bus from the station to my location, which is super close to my other friends house, by this point Aarons a bit more chilled so I come off the phone. In typical Liza style I ring the wrong fucking bell #awkward, I try the right one this time and am greeted by my cousins other half, it's actually the first time I've properly met him. I walk up to the kitchen and see my babygirl, my God if you knew how much I have missed this girl. I get a glass of rose and cake, what a welcome, in case you hadn't figured it out, I am a fan of baked goods and alcohol on arrival to places. We catch up and have some dinner, amazing by the way, we chill in the garden a bit, night rolls into morning and at about 12:30-1 I actually cannot remember but I get an Uber home. I strip off as soon as I get in the door and flop into bed like a whale.
28th July 2016
I am struggling this morning, I woke up when Aaron did, 5:30am, ew no. I manage to fall back asleep but I know I have the BHF coming over to do a clothes collection and I still haven't actually packed everything up. I literally drag myself out of bed and start going through my drawers, about 9:30ish I think I get a call saying the driver feels sick so he cant come, like really, I just trashed my fucking house. This is a bad hangover day I swear. My mum and sister are supposed to come over today, I have to buy food shopping and now I have to clear all of this shit up on top of it and walk this stuff to the charity shop.
I give up, I make myself some breakfast, eggs and soldiers. I lay on my bed with food, I don't care today I'll clean it all at the last minute before people come. I watch KUWTK and youtube... til 2pm. Time flies when youre having fun eh? Mum calls to let me know she wont be long, I promised her lunch and I haven't even gone to the shops yet, she says not to worry and we can go when she gets there. I have a shower and get dressed, I straighten up the house a little bit and do all the dishes. I get a call from my sister who is trying to figure out the doorbell, eventually they manage to get in the building.
We all sit for an hour or so catching up and then me and mum decide to go and grab some food we leave my sister to finish watching the programme she was engrossed in, we head to the turkish supermarket, butchers and Lidl. On the way back to the house we struggle with all the bags, we burst through the front door and collapse on the couch, we brought alot. After another 20 minutes I decide to pack away the shopping and start washing the chicken drumsticks we just brought with lemon juice and cold water, I mix up some herbs to season the meat with and put it in an enormous oven tray. I transfer the drumsticks over and start to work on marinading them, today I dont have time to leave them for long, so I cook them in stock with a double layer of foil just to lock all the flavour in. Once they're in the oven I get to work on bagging up the other 36, yes 36 drumsticks I got from the butchers, it was buy one get one free and it was like a tenner, I bag them in 3 bags of 8 with the dates on the freezer bags before chucking them in the freezer to use throughout the next month. I wash my hands (obviously) and start preparing a salad, mum gets to work on the coleslaw, she makes it the best and I want to learn. Once those are done, we wrap them up and put them in the fridge to cool.
At this point my sister wants me to sort her hair, I get to work on this (this was not the type of day I had in mind when I'm hanging out of my arse) but I'm happy to help. Aaron gets back in from work and we indroduce him to the best food discovery we have made this year, blueberry and vanilla rice cakes, it tastes like jammy popcorn, it's beautiful. We put on a film and chill while waiting for the food. The doorbell goes again, my babygirl K is here too my God my real sister and one of my 'surrogate' sisters, all I need is L too, but shes probably working, bar work, the ultimate social life killer.
Finally the food is ready, I pull out the paper plates, I do not need to do any more washing up today. We all eat, it was lovely, after everyone has easten we finish watching (talking through) the film. It gets to around 9pm and mum, K and my baby sister make a move. I run around and do a quick clear up before jumping into bed, having a nightcap and going to sleep, the night cap is why I'm waking up so hazy in the morning but I need the nightcap to sleep, it's too loud where I live.
29th July 2016
Back on early earlies, wake up and get ready call rolls around 5:30am, I have to leave at 6:30am, ERGH.
I'm not alive today, I'm fully convinced I'm just sleeping with my eyes open, I have to run to the station as well, I left a little bit late trying to sort myself out and come out of the door. I manage to make my train by literally seconds, I'm sweating, I'm struggling for breath and I look like a damn fool. I need to take my lazy arse to the gym or something because I didnt even run that far to be in the state I'm in!
I had no time for breakfast today so I get into work and divert straight to the canteen, I'm at that level of hunger where I feel sick, theres nothing I really like here. In the end I opt for 2 sausages and 2 hash browns #healthgoals, not, but I have loads of fruit so I just need something with a bit more substance if you will to tide me through til lunch. While I'm logging in to the phones, I'm also stuffing my face with food, I just know its going to be a busy morning so I can't be eating while I'm on the phone.
How right I was? Today was non stop! I go for my lunch at 11:35, which is annoying because I'm not really hungry for lunch when its still brunch time. I eat what I brought with me, coleslaw, chicken and salad it takes me ages, I'm still really tired so I am strugling. Because its so early I feel completely stuffed, so I head down for a cheeky cigarette before I have to get back on the phones. Again, it is crazy busy and everyone I'm speaking to is super confrontational, there must be something in the air at the moment. Eventually I get to 4pm and I can leave. I call Aaron on my way out and ask if he wants me to meet him so we can travel home together he says I could do as he hasnt left yet so I head to Green Park. Usually we walk from there to Victoria to get the train back but it was pissing down rain outside and neither of us had appropriate attire for that type of weather.
We hop on a tube and the run for a train, we sit in first class (shh, this is my idea of rebelious) and we catch up about work, as with most peoples work conversations it gets a little heated, so we decide to stay out of eachothers way for the evening so we dont make it any worse. I work on my blog and watch some of my favourite YouTubers (sheslulu, fasionista804, ilikeweylie) I skip dinner, I'm too tired, this is the main thing I miss about living at home, when your home, mum will sort it for you (not always obviously, but usually with the help of your puppy dog eyes). I get ready for bed and put a documentary about Nas on, we all know he's my favourite. I begin to drift off and before I know it I'm in dreamland.
30th July 2016
My alarm goes at 4:30am, 5:00am and 5:30am, I did this in the hope it would be easier to drag myself from bed but it's not at all. I hear Aaron getting ready and he leaves the house, I guess were still not talking because he didn't say bye. Am I pissed off? Yes. Am I going to be petty? No. The anger wakes me up, so I start getting ready, by getting ready I mean showering and changing into socially acceptable pj's I can wear in public. I leave my house and make my way to work, I call Aaron on my way in to test the waters, they're still a bit choppy so I keep the call short, 21seconds, So Solid Crew style. Anyway, I get to work and find a desk next to my friend O, I get logged in early and head downstairs for a cigarette with him, I didnt have one walking up to the station today by the way, so keep your judgement at the same level please. My friend S joins us and then we all head upstairs to get on with our shifts.
Oh. My. God.
Today was horrible, so busy considering it's a saturday. Just constant call after calll and complaints and complaints and personal insults ect, my God I do not need this especially as I am already pissed of as it is. I manage to work through the day to the best of my ability and without a single tear #soproud. 5pm rolls round and I literally run out of the building, I do not want or need to be in here for another second. I get the train home, I have the house to myself tonight, no sharing the bed! I call Aaron on my way home, there's still tension so I decide to leave it for today altogether, I listen to some music on my way back and make a mental plan of what I need to do when I get indoors (do dishes, do laundry, straighten up, clean kitchen and bathroom) I walk back, check my mail and call my dad to have a catch up, I havent spoken to him in ages.
I get indoors and fling myself on the bed, all I can think is I have you ALL to myself for the night, no duvet sharing, no space sharing, no overheating, no listening to snoring, the excitement is real! I get a sharp pain in my belly, I'm super hungry, there is cooked food in the house but I really dont feel like whats there, I decide to be naughty and order take out, I have actually never ever just ordered a takeout for me, at home, alone, time to try something new! I order a pepperoni piza (thin crust obvs) garlic pizza bread and potato wedges with one garlic sauce and two BBQ sauce. After I make this order I decide I need to start cleaning so I can just chill back. I do the dishes, put a wash on and cut up and prepare the pineapple and pomegrante I brought on Thursday, I clean down the sides and straighten up a little bit, I hear the doorbell, damn these people always deliver so fast I swear its been no more than 20 mins since I placed this order.
I bring my food indoors and decide I will do the rest of the housework tomorrow, my house isn't mad messy or anything, just a few bits that need to go back away and a bit of laundry really but I like to clean every couple of days so I dont have a build up. I hang my washing out first then I grab a paper plate, (I already did dishes today so I am not doing them again) I get some additional sauces, ketchup and mayo, I dont usually like mayo but I really feel like it today, flick the TV on and pig out. I swear to you I could not have got more than 3 slices in before I felt full, you know when you're so hungry as soon as the food touches your lips you're full, yeah, thats what happened. I grazed for the rest of the evening on what I had and at about 9:30pm I was drifting off. I put the pizza and its supporting acts in the fridge, did my night time routine, turned the fan on and crawled into bed. I looked up my journey for tomorrow morning, bad idea, now I'm pissed off becuase its going to take me such a long time to get in because of the Sunday service and works. I decide to deal with it tomorrow and put some American dad on for a bit, I hate going to sleep with the TV on so I decide to turn it off because I know I'm too tired. 20mins later I start to drift off, plonked right in the middle of the bed, it's lush.
31st July 2016
I wake up at 4:30am but I snooze until 5:15ish, I slept much better than usual, I guess Aaron and I need a bigger bed! I get in the shower and get dressed, again into socially acceptable pj's that can be worn outside. I pack a bag for work that has everything I'll need to make it through a Sunday at work, cold pizza, my diary, some beautiful fruits, my phone charger (just in case) and a shitttone of water. I leave the house at 6:20am, I walk to the station, it's a nice morning today. I make it to the station with time, but my train is already at the platform, I hop on and start writing, I take a break once I reach Norwood, I call Aaron, he answers and we have a normal conversation, I guess were over that hurdle of grouchiness, we have a nice chat and I decide to meet him after work.
I arrive at work and start working on a blog piece to cheer myself up, it's quiet this morning, which is lovely, but I know it will be extremely busy in the afternoon, it's always the way. I work my way through until lunch, I haven't had a cigarette all day, mainly because I forgot I had only half a rollie left in my pouch so there's not really alot that will come of that. I eat my cold pizza and work on my blog for my whole lunchbreak. When I get back on the phones it is BUSY, like, crazy busy. I work through the calls until my next break, I had quite a few tough calls so I decide to have a cigarette and ask a colleague to sponser me half a rollie to help me with the half that I have. I go downstairs with my colleagues and have a laugh outside which softens the blows I have had from some of the customers today.
It finally gets to the time I can leave the office, I pack my stuff and get logged out. I call Aaron to double check were still meeting after work, he doesnt answer, I guess he's still in service #cheflife, so I get the tube to Green Park anyway. I get to his work and try and call again, still no answer, I send a couple texts just to check and I dont have any response. Now I'm a little concerned, I call my friend so I don't look like a complete pyscho just lingering outside and explain the situation to her, we both have a laugh and joke that I'll still be standing there come 8pm haha, seriously, I'm scared can you imagine if I actually waited that long #whipped! Soon after I see Aaron come out and tell him all of this, he laughs his head off at me, he reaches into his bag and says he has a present, now I'm excited, he pulls out food, always good, oh my God, he pulls out 2 packets of TAYTOS! I fucking love TAYTOS, they're the best crisps in the world and I am also very easily pleased, in this moment I feel I could cry because I cant find them in England, obviously, because Englad has shit taste in crisps, we dont even have Cheetos anymore! We walk back to Victoria and get on a train, at this point I am dying for a wee, I go into the train toilet, super gross and put about 20 layers of toilet roll on the seat, I can't do the squat thing I have literally no leg muscle, I wash my hands and use toilet paper to open the door, I know some nasty fucker hasn't washed their hands while coming out of here, I walk to the bin and dispose of the toilet roll, Aaron laughs at me.
Now, I know you're gonna think thats a weird little anecdote, but let me explain, the train got to Clapham Junction and some man went in, he never flushed the toilet AND never washed his hands, I looked at Aaron and nodded 'you see some people are just nasty, I dont need to be contaminated with your penis germs', Aaron looks at me like, okay yeah fair point. We get to East Croydon and get off the train and get a bus home. When I got home I cleaned the kitchen, had dinner, leftovers from yesterday and literally vegged out in front of Ferris Buellers day off (a classic in my favourite film collection). Eventually it got to about 10pm and I decided to go to bed, I have another early start tomorrow and I'm still tired from last week!
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