Sometimes you have to bite the bullet.

I want to start by giving you a little background on the situation at hand and why exactly I am writing on such a matter...

To put it simply, I am forgetful, I have a sharp tongue, I'm direct and more often than not I come across a little crazy. Sometimes when I get swept up in this side of my feelings I go batsh*t crazy instead of listening and taking on board what someone is saying to me which obviously doesn't help me progress in the situation I'm in and to be honest with you, it hinders my progression in life as well.

It took a few conversations to get to the head space I'm in now but a conversation with a particularly good friend who I hadn't spoken to in a while to put this all in to perspective for me.

This argument was with somebody I love, somebody I cherish and somebody I don't want to spend my life without and before I can even think about asking somebody else to reflect on their faults and change, I need to practice what I am preaching and reflect on my faults and look at where I can make change.

#epiphany

#thankslittlemy2

#shewillgetityouwont

And so it began, reflection time and before I continue, this is not a blog to sh*t on all of the other fantastic advice I got from some of my nearest and dearest #freedah #tribzy #mysurrogatesistaa #againtheywillgetityouwont, but these babies may be a little more biased to my struggle, so while their advice was equally fantastic and it made me take a long hard look at what I want direction I want my situation to go in, it didn't necessarily make me take a long hard look at myself and what I needed to do.

So as I was saying, the reflection process started and for the first time ever, I was silent, even in my mind. Silence is an amazing thing, you can get a lot of thinking done with it!  

#noshitsherlock

In my silence I began trying not to be so forgetful...

I started making notes of things I have done that have been wrong that I like to push to the back of my head and forget about, the list grew and grew and grew until I realized I am not as kind as I thought I was.

In my silence I began trying not to be hurtfully direct...

I started making notes of what I could change, I'm not someone to beat around the bush so I realized how much nicer and more cooperative that somebody might be if I changed how I said things rather than what I said.

In my silence I became more aware...

I learnt a lot about myself that I hadn't thought of before so #littlemy2 I will be eternally grateful to you for reminding me to do this more often.

She and my surrogate sistaa also reminded me above all sometimes you have to accept the situation and bite the bullet, the outcome may not always be what you want but sometimes take an action for the greater good. Sometimes the feeling is there but that's not always enough.

I reached out to this somebody, apologizing for my role in this argument and ACTUALLY accepting whatever decision would come of this whether it was the outcome I was hoping for or not. This eventually lead to a conversation which gave me another opportunity to listen, remember and not be so direct, it gave me the opportunity use the new outlook I had. 

I listened intently for over an hour, I did not get defensive, I practiced my silence, with my silence I began to learn and understand the impact of my actions, which reminded me how much this somebody means to me and made me realize that I am not as innocent as I thought I was in this situation.

By biting the bullet I was able to have that conversation that needed to be had and hear what that somebody had been saying this whole time and honestly I started to understand it wasn't them, it was me.

Things are still progressing one step at a time, I'm not going to be able to make all the changes I need to overnight and neither is this somebody, but that specific advice really helped me to take those first steps that I need to take on this journey of resolution... fingers crossed this will now blossom into something way more beautiful than it already was.

As always, I will keep you posted...