I am someone who always keeps it real with everything I do and I feel like as someone who blogs, I have so much opportunity to paint my life however I want to, it would be so easy but to be honest I have never understood the appeal, I mean firstly I would be lying to you but secondly I would be lying to myself and who wants to do that!?
My problems and everyday challenges that I am facing bring me closer to all of the people like you who are kind enough to take time from their day to read my blog. Without sounding super cringe I am so inspired by the hope of me possibly helping others in the same struggles as me and offering the answer book for the things that took me a long time to grasp, so I will ALWAYS keep it real and speak openly about my life, I don't see the point of not being open.
Today I wanted to talk to you about money, I have always had quite a weird relationship with it. I came from a background that we didn't have much, but we did have love and without sounding cliché, love is just about the most valuable thing on this planet, it can build you in a much better way than money can and it can destroy you in a much bigger way than money ever could, it heals all wounds and really is the greatest feeling in the world.
Luckily for me because of all that love, I have never been one to get massively upset over money, I'm relatively indifferent to be honest with you, however in the last year and a bit as previously mentioned on my blog my financial situation has taken a turn for the worst, usually this wouldn't phase me, not in a cocky way, but money is a man made product, its not impossible to get it back if you lose it.
Recently I have been feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and no end to my current financial situation and unfortunately I can't just get someone to bail me out, nor would I want to, this is a lesson I need to learn myself, I think. I'm definitely joking, this will build my charecter and make for a Liza who can do anything.
Now before people get judgy, not a word but it should be, I did not go and blow money on a bunch of shit and cry because I now have a debt to think of. Not that we should judge even if that is the case for someone, we don't know their lives enough to understand why. I am however, very responsible with money, but I don't believe in depriving yourself of something that will make you happy, of course within reason.
My situation came about because of a change in circumstance at home, I wasn't earning enough to keep my house running at that time so had no choice but to look to my credit card to make ends meet, keep bills paid and food in the fridge. Luckily I had a good amount of support as a safety net if shit really hit the fan, but I am still digging my way out of this hole alone, I am doing this by choice by the way.
I started to get really upset with it and decided I needed to get out of this situation altogether, I'm tired of it, I want some peace of mind and sleep! So I sat up for about 5-6 hours and calculated how I could get out of this situation once and for all. First thing I need to make clear, is that I am not going to cancel my credit card, there are a number of reasons behind this, but I will make sure I don't fall into the same trap by leaving my card with a relative I can trust, who will ensure if I do make any purchases on it (holidays ect) I pay the amount spent off in full on the same day from my current account, I prefer to use my credit card for security reasons.
The first option I looked at was believe it or not, another loan, this way I could pay off everything I owe at once and have one figure to pay back for a year at a fixed amount rather than paying a bit off of my debt here and there for the next however long. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish I went with this option, it seems like it would have been easier, but I have thought about it for a long time and I feel like there is more room to go wrong here, if I cleared all of my credit card and some unexpected bill came or my circumstances changed again and I had no money I would have no choice but to use that and be back at square one with more debt than I started with.
The second option was to just suck it up and write out a budget plan, it took me 3 hours to do, I was so wired by the end of it, do not do this late at night the maths just wakes you up! I worked out the total amount of debt I had, just over £1,000, I'm lucky in that sense I know, but it is still incredibly stressful to have in the back of your mind all the time. I then started putting the date for each payday on paper, fortunately I get paid weekly at the moment. Once those two steps were done the rest was just maths, working with my average weekly wage I calculated week by week what bills I had to sort out and expenses I had, this list started in March and finished in July. I knew this was going to be really difficult for me, I am responsible with money but I find following a tight knit plan difficult especially as things don't always go to plan elsewhere. I took comfort in knowing at least if worst comes to it with this option I still have the first option as a back up plan, where as doing this the other way round and losing would be so so much worse and lead to a lot more sleepless nights!
So I guess the next thing to address would be how this budget plan is going for me...
Well I cant say that it is something I have been able to stick to religiously, but I am glad that I didn't go with the first option right off the bat because as predicted some unexpected expenses have come up due to my tenancy being renewed and some annual bills I forgot about coming in, but I still haven't opted for the first option as a way to resolve this so I am not completely at rock bottom just yet, I'm sort of somewhere in the middle of coping and rock bottom. I'm still not sleeping easy but I am determined to get through this so I am going to keep pushing. I feel like next month will be a lot easier to be honest but I might be just be bluffing. I do keep praying that somehow it will just magically disappear but I have to be realistic and I have to prove myself to myself!
To make sure I am not just bluffing, I will be reviewing the plan over the next week or so and continuing as intended this month but reevaluating how I will continue my plan in May and of course making sure I do follow it religiously but not making it as tight knit as it was as that allows no room for mistakes.
That's enough for today on this chapter of my life, but I will continue to keep everyone updated at every available opportunity and I hope some of my mistakes and reflections have been helpful to you guys if you're in a similar situation.
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